Week 11: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

February 16 to 22, 2011
Current Weight: 232.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -.5
Total gain/loss: -9.0 lbs


Helen, my WW leader, is always screaming at us to share non-scale victories. And yes, I really do mean screaming. She is a little thing but she has a great voice!

Lets breakdown my Monday.

Monday was a really hard day at work.

Hard.

Let me give you a taste - ever have a project that you have been working on, updating, compiling and just about ready to share? Imagine that 4 business days worth of data, just sitting out there, on that nice server, just waiting for you to send it along on Monday morning. Now imagine coming into work and finding out that the server had a bit of Alzheimer's over the weekend and only has the version from....lets be generous....three weeks ago. And then the IT gurus shrug their shoulders and say "Nothing we can do, but this here server is the best in the world". {insert curse words here}

Getting to Zumba:
Somehow I got roped into taking my neighbor to the Zumba classes each night. Don't get me wrong, most evenings I don't mind but my driving time is the only "me" time that I have. I can listen to my music, make calls, cry, pray and just enjoy being with me. :) Having a passenger cramps this process significantly. I feel so guilty for feeling this way and don't have the heart to make a change yet but I will need to figure something out.

At the Gym:
We got there a full half hour earlier than usual. Since my neighbor had to fix her account I was looking forward to jumping on a stair climber or treadmill. A girl can have dreams! I ended up having the translate to resolve the issue. Then when we get the treadmills I had to set it up for everyone. Going 1.5 mph was too fast for them. It would have been really funny if I wasn't so tensed by this point. I regrouped and thought that what the heck - I am going to get in a great cardio class and don't need to get bent out of shape with this. A girl can have dreams!

Tony had taught the 6pm class but had left the sub for the next class. She got her certification last week. She is a very nice person and did a decent job. It was her first time flying solo so there were many oops and restarts but it was a decent job. That being said, I was pissed as hell. I had a crappy day, a crappy drive over, a crappy time on the treadmill and now I couldn't even get my cardio at the level I needed.

Anger is definitely not my go to emotion. I was so angry that night.
I was angry worked sucked.
I was angry that I didn't get the workout I needed.
I was angry that I "needed" such a high intensity workout.
I was angry that I needed to lose 100 lbs.
I was angry that I allowed myself to get to this physical place.
I was angry that I participated in it. I am not a victim.
I was angry that I have to try so hard.
I was angry that I wanted to eat because I was angry!

Let me just say that I didn't expect this reaction from a little computer glitch at work and a Zumba instructor change. If you ask me, I overreacted but I couldn't control the anger once it started to flow. {That explains why anger isn't my go to emotion. I am too neurotic. I want to be able feel like I have a semblance of control}

I cried on my hubby shoulder, took a shower, journaled for a few minutes, talked on the phone, laid on the bed and watch the fan spin but I did not go and eat. That is my non-scale victory. I didn't go medicate my feelings with food {although eating was all I could think of} and I didn't allow myself to stay in pity party mode. I went to my WW meeting at lunch yesterday and Zumba in the evening. I told Tony that I need his workouts and he gave me a heck of a workout last night. I am victorious!

Week recap + a video

I haven't really done much in the past week. My hormones have been kicking my ass, literally. Pre-menstrual hormone surge caused me extreme intestinal pain for much of the week. This is a throw back to over 15 years ago. I was so happy when that stopped but here we go again! On top of that my mood has been on a rollercoaster ride too. I am sure that my hubby would have love to send me to the moon. Shoot, I would have loved to go! :)

What I did do, besides eating cookies, chips, soda, candy, gum, etc when I wasn't doubled over in pain, was go to Zumba. That has to be the only reason I held my weight this week. Here is a video they recorded last week. You'll get to see me in my Zumba glory around 1:02 minutes into the video. There are designated colors for each day but I didn't get the memo and was in blue. ;)

I am starting fresh.....starting right now.
Okay, maybe a few minutes from now.
Darn it! Don't be so demanding!
I will start fresh. Immediately.
Unless.
Oh, well - I'll try my best this week.
Cross my heart.

Week 9: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

February 2nd to 8th, 2011
Current Weight: 232 lbs
Week to Week loss: - 1
Total gain/loss: -9.5 lbs

I am a coward.

I am afraid of failure.
I am afraid that due to my weight I will never be a mother.
I am afraid of pain.
I am afraid of feeling pain again from the IVF cycles.
I am afraid of feeling the heart breaking pain of being successful at weight loss and still not be a mother.
I am afraid of feeling the pain from pushing my body harder than I did yesterday.
I am afraid of failing again after I have moderate success.
I am afraid of being completely honest with myself because I might not like myself.
I am afraid of being completelyhonest with others because they might not like.
(ironically enough people feel that I am too honest with them. If they only knew what I hold back!)

The one thing that I have come to realize is that being afraid is no way to live. So, inspite of my fear I am making great progress

I can do the high-intensity jumping in Zumba now.
I can keep up with the instructor in all the songs instead of taking a marching break.
I go workout even when I am not in the mood and without much convincing.
I am honest with myself every day. I can't hide from myself!
I am honest with the people that matter the most in my life and work thru the fear of hurting them or myself.
I have identified another thing I like about myself.
I don't feel like I am on a diet but on a life long change. And that is a momentous moment people!
I am getting comfortable with being angry.
I am realizing that not having the life that any woman in my family has ever had is okay. It is okay to charter my own course.

Week 7: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

January 19th to 25th, 2010
Current Weight: 232.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -1
Total gain/loss: -9.0 lbs

Something you should know, I weigh-in at home since I was only using the online tools when I first started WW (for the final time as Sheryl says!) in December. I started attending meetings in January.

When I was last attending Weight Watchers I had found Helen, a great leader, at the center by my house. Those meetings are at 8am on Saturday mornings. That is hit or miss for me depending what I do on Friday night. So it isn't surprise that I was absolutely thrilled that she offers a meeting during my lunch hour on Tuesdays by my job.

Something else you should know, I really hate weighing-in during the day but I love weighing in first thing on Saturday mornings.

The compromise that I made with myself are the following:

I weigh-in at WW on Tuesdays at noon with the following conditions:
- full clothed
- take off shoes and jewelry
- eat breakfast and drink my water
That number I will now put on my progress chart only.

I weigh-in at home on Wednesday mornings with the following conditions:
- butt naked
- after I have peed
- as soon as I get up

That is the number that you see posted at the top of my weekly weigh-ins and what I consider my official number. One of these weeks I will go weigh-in on Saturday and am sure that the numbers will catch up with eachother. I am not worried about it but wanted to explain it to ya'll. This way I feel completely accountable in all ways and it works for me.

Week 6: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

January 12th to 18th, 2010
Current Weight: 233.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -3
Total gain/loss: -8.0 lbs

A few minutes after posting my stats for last week I received a call that my grandmother was in the ICU in NYC. I left very early on Friday morning to be with her. My grandmother Elena is the proud mother of 11, grandmother of 34 and great-grandmother of 17....but I still felt that I need to touch her and be with her.

I didn't return until Monday night, after an exhausting weekend spent in the Milstein Building of New York Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. I also managed to get food poisoning on Sunday and Aunt Flo on Monday. Talk about a stellar week.

I ate very week prior to the food poisoning and very well afterwards as well but the -3lb loss is still surprising!

This weeks accomplishments:

Made good food choices while traveling: fruit, fresh made salads and yogurts!

Week 5: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

January 5th to 11th, 2010
Current Weight: 236.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: 0
Total gain/loss: -5.5 lbs

Holding steady. I did so much emotional eating this week but I balanced it out with a lot of working out so instead of having a gain, I held my own. Feel proud of that but regrouping for this upcoming week. Yeah me!

This weeks accomplishments:

• attended 3 Zumba classes alone. Burned 1017 calories in one session alone!
• joined the Biggest Loser eight week program at work.
• went to Zumba in the evening on the same day I did the Biggest Loser workout at the fitness center at work. Felt incredible!
• did really well with evening snacking.
• didn't binge during emotional week.

Working on for next week

• do five workout sessions (3 zumba, 1 biggest loser, 1 home video)
• track, track, track
• get some non-workout exercise in (like walking the dogs, etc)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The beginning of the year always brings out more people to both the Weight Watchers meetings and the gym. I personally don't mind this at all since I have been a participant in these new year waves many a time. Oddly enough, now that my mindset is on permanent mode, as in there isn't waiting for Monday, I am starting the change in the next few minutes....I wish I could lasso them all and keep them coming back....even when things start to suck!

I was explaining to my hubbster that a Zumba class this week was really good, high impact and full but that I got annoyed when I looked around at a room for 40 women and only saw a few sweating or flushed. How is it possible that you can take this class and NOT SWEAT? Shoot, just the number of people in the room should cause you to sweat a little! His response was "What do you care? You are there for yourself and you know you are giving 110%".

Holy crap, why do I care?
My observation didn't stop me from giving it 110%. Didn't deter me from enjoying the class. For meeting my goal for the day. So why the heck do I care? I think it is because I like it so much that I want everyone else to get the same benefit from it. They aren't going to keep on coming back if they don't see the results. They won't see the results unless they put in the work.

Why the heck do I care?
Because I wish I had my light bulb moment much earlier in life. I wish someone would have lassoed me. I wish I would have been saved from myself and years of struggling. That is why I care.

Week 4: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

December 29th to January 4th, 2010
Current Weight: 236.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: +1
Total gain/loss: -5.0 lbs

Recently Vane and I were talking about Pros and Cons of Weight Watchers versus calorie counting. Vane has lost a significant amount of weight and is a beast at working out. Let me repeat that....a beast! She knows how to get a good sweat going and keep that heart rate up! She has also lost about 70lbs already so she definitely knows what works for her.

The word that continued to come up was "diet". I kept on telling her that Weight Watchers is not a diet, it is a lifestyle. She wasn't "listening" to me and kept on explaining that she wanted something that she could do once she finished losing weight. This got me thinking...why do I love Weight Watchers. (don't look now, but here comes a list. :) )

The reasons I love Weight Watchers are....
...they develop tools that keep me accountable.
....they figured out that it isn't only about what I am putting in my mouth but why as well.
....they provide me with tools to get through the journey.
....I can eat anything that I want, whenever I want.
....They teach me how to recognize the correct portion size and don't punish me when I multiple the portion sizes. (lets keep it real)
....They give me focus with the Good Health Guidelines
....They encourage me for drinking water and praise me with a happy face when I reach the daily goal!
....They recognize that fruit and veggies are good for me and give them to me for "free each day" and also praise me with happy faces when I reach that daily goal!

....They never stop working on making the program better. Just like I won't ever stop working on making myself better too!
...They know that binging on fruits, veggies and water isn't what got me to this weight.
....They know that teaching me how to live is much better than teaching me how to live on a diet.

My WW leader, Helen, said something that was a fun quinky dink. She said "People lets keep this simple: eater better and move more!". That is so like the logo on the side of my blog. Striving on keeping it simple in 2011!

Week 2 & 3: Weigh-In Weight Watchers

The holiday week threw me off on my posts. Here is a recap on the past two WW weigh-ins.

December 15th to 21th, 2010
Week 2
Current Weight: 237 lbs
Week to Week loss: -1.50
Total gain/loss: -4.5 lbs

December 22nd to 28th, 2010
Week 3
Current Weight: 235.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -1.5
Total gain/loss: -6 lbs

I don’t have any screen shots because I didn’t track during this holiday week.
Also, Santa dropped off a wonderful gify on 12/24, Aunt Flo! Just want track when Aunt Flo comes each month in relation with my weigh-ins because I want to see if I will see a gain the week before my period each month.
I feel great and am doing great!

Running, Jogging, just plain ol' walking faster

Yesterday I went down the fitness center in my building. I always find it ironic that part of my work responsibilities is to manage the fitness center...anyhow. I got dressed, got the iPod going, jumped on a treadmill.

Easy.
Peasy.
Normal walking.
Getting that blood-flow going. And then....

I start to think about Ada from the Biggest Loser.

How she ran on that treadmill and killed her time. How she ran the marathon, took a potty break and still broke Tara's record....somehow this morphed into me running.

The truth is that I walk at a 3.3 and am huffing it. Today I will make sure to look at my HRM and see what it is because although I can still breath and don't feel like dying my legs HURT when I go any faster. So what did I do? Yes, I decided to run for 30 seconds. I can do anything for 30 seconds. I punched that arrow up up up to 3.8 and ran for 60 seconds instead.

To many, including my hubby, this wouldn't be an achievement of any kind. 3.8 should be a fast walk. 60 seconds should be no sweat. To me it is sweet victory. I have never run for a minute, ever. I don't ever push the button up past 3.4mph. I surpassed my initial goal for 30 seconds. Today I am going to shoot to relive that victory and push past it. Who knows? If Elizabeth from the Biggest Loser can complete a marathon I can run on a treadmill.

Week Recap: December 1st to 7th, 2010
Start Weight: 241.5
Current Weight: 238.5 lbs
Total gain/loss: -3 lbs