February 2nd to 8th, 2011
Current Weight: 232 lbs
Week to Week loss: - 1
Total gain/loss: -9.5 lbs
I am a coward.
I am afraid of failure.
I am afraid that due to my weight I will never be a mother.
I am afraid of pain.
I am afraid of feeling pain again from the IVF cycles.
I am afraid of feeling the heart breaking pain of being successful at weight loss and still not be a mother.
I am afraid of feeling the pain from pushing my body harder than I did yesterday.
I am afraid of failing again after I have moderate success.
I am afraid of being completely honest with myself because I might not like myself.
I am afraid of being completelyhonest with others because they might not like.
(ironically enough people feel that I am too honest with them. If they only knew what I hold back!)
The one thing that I have come to realize is that being afraid is no way to live. So, inspite of my fear I am making great progress
I can do the high-intensity jumping in Zumba now.
I can keep up with the instructor in all the songs instead of taking a marching break.
I go workout even when I am not in the mood and without much convincing.
I am honest with myself every day. I can't hide from myself!
I am honest with the people that matter the most in my life and work thru the fear of hurting them or myself.
I have identified another thing I like about myself.
I don't feel like I am on a diet but on a life long change. And that is a momentous moment people!
I am getting comfortable with being angry.
I am realizing that not having the life that any woman in my family has ever had is okay. It is okay to charter my own course.