Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Week 11: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

February 16 to 22, 2011
Current Weight: 232.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -.5
Total gain/loss: -9.0 lbs

Helen, my WW leader, is always screaming at us to share non-scale victories. And yes, I really do mean screaming. She is a little thing but she has a great voice!

Helen, my WW leader

Lets breakdown my Monday.

Monday was a really hard day at work.


Let me give you a taste - ever have a project that you have been working on, updating, compiling and just about ready to share? Imagine that 4 business days worth of data, just sitting out there, on that nice server, just waiting for you to send it along on Monday morning. Now imagine coming into work and finding out that the server had a bit of Alzheimer's over the weekend and only has the version from....lets be generous....three weeks ago. And then the IT gurus shrug their shoulders and say "Nothing we can do, but this here server is the best in the world". {insert curse words here}

Getting to Zumba:
Somehow I got roped into taking my neighbor to the Zumba classes each night. Don't get me wrong, most evenings I don't mind but my driving time is the only "me" time that I have. I can listen to my music, make calls, cry, pray and just enjoy being with me. :) Having a passenger cramps this process significantly. I feel so guilty for feeling this way and don't have the heart to make a change yet but I will need to figure something out.

At the Gym:
We got there a full half hour earlier than usual. Since my neighbor had to fix her account I was looking forward to jumping on a stair climber or treadmill. A girl can have dreams! I ended up having the translate to resolve the issue. Then when we get the treadmills I had to set it up for everyone. Going 1.5 mph was too fast for them. It would have been really funny if I wasn't so tensed by this point. I regrouped and thought that what the heck - I am going to get in a great cardio class and don't need to get bent out of shape with this. A girl can have dreams!

Tony had taught the 6pm class but had left the sub for the next class. She got her certification last week. She is a very nice person and did a decent job. It was her first time flying solo so there were many oops and restarts but it was a decent job. That being said, I was pissed as hell. I had a crappy day, a crappy drive over, a crappy time on the treadmill and now I couldn't even get my cardio at the level I needed.

Anger is definitely not my go to emotion. I was so angry that night.
I was angry worked sucked.
I was angry that I didn't get the workout I needed.
I was angry that I "needed" such a high intensity workout.
I was angry that I needed to lose 100 lbs.
I was angry that I allowed myself to get to this physical place.
I was angry that I participated in it. I am not a victim.
I was angry that I have to try so hard.
I was angry that I wanted to eat because I was angry!

Let me just say that I didn't expect this reaction from a little computer glitch at work and a Zumba instructor change. If you ask me, I overreacted but I couldn't control the anger once it started to flow. {That explains why anger isn't my go to emotion. I am too neurotic. I want to be able feel like I have a semblance of control}

I cried on my hubby shoulder, took a shower, journaled for a few minutes, talked on the phone, laid on the bed and watch the fan spin but I did not go and eat. That is my non-scale victory. I didn't go medicate my feelings with food {although eating was all I could think of} and I didn't allow myself to stay in pity party mode. I went to my WW meeting at lunch yesterday and Zumba in the evening. I told Tony that I need his workouts and he gave me a heck of a workout last night. I am victorious!

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