Progress Prompt #10

I skipped # 9 since it refers to holidays. I will go back and use that one when we are approaching the holidays later this year.

[10.] Among many online weight loss journalers, rewarding themselves for meeting goals is a big part of their weight loss journey. Does planning a reward really work for you? Is it for your short-term or long-term goal? What are the rewards you usually give yourself? Is it a good idea to reward yourself with food? Why or why not? What's your ultimate reward for when you meet your goal weight?

This is a tricky question for me. I have been such a yo-yo weight loser for such a long time that I still haven't quite figured out what works for me. I will try to answer these as I feel today but I may have to come back to this idea after I have learned a bit more about myself.

Does planning a reward really work for you?
Historically it hasn't but over the last few years my views on finances, instant gratification and patience has really changed. I hope to incorporate some rewards but haven't come up with anything yet.

Lately, I have been looking forward to the reward of how my body and muscles will feel, of how I will feel proud of myself, of what I have to look forward to be able to do (like skiing. Something that I have been fearful of doing). I don't focus on what I will be able to purchase at a store as much. Although, lets be honest, being able to shop at any store and possibly buy items that have a lower number is highly motivating. :)

Is it for your short-term or long-term goal?
Weight goals:
My immediate goal is to break into the "22_".
My short-term goal is to get into "19_".
My long term goal is to be in the low 140s.

Other goals: become a runner. become a better dancer. learn how to ride a bike.

What are the rewards you usually give yourself?
N/A

Is it a good idea to reward yourself with food? Why or why not?
WW doesn't think that it is a good idea. I agree and disagree. Going along with another WW philosophy, nothing is off limits I would like to think that I could congratulate myself with something that I love to eat. Checkout what Sheryl's post on what she did when she hit her WW goal. I now know that food isn't what got me to this point, it was my mind. My lack of self-love and care that translated into no portion control, poor choices and using it as inappropriately. I hope and pray that when I reach goal I will be so much further along on this path that a treat won't throw me overboard.


What's your ultimate reward for when you meet your goal weight?
I have three major ones: plastic surgery to remove the organic apron that is now my lower abdomen, compete in a large ballroom competition fancy gowns and all, go to Italy. Now, I can just hit the lottery at the same time I hit goal so that I can fund these dreams? :)

Progress Prompt #8

How many sizes of clothes do you have in your closet and drawers? How do your "thin clothes" make you feel? Why do you keep your "fat clothes?" What would happen if you gave away every single piece of clothing that didn't fit you? Are you willing to do it?

About a year ago I cleared my heart and mind....and closet of all the old clothes baggage. I gave away a lot of my brand new lingerie, bras and panties that I have held onto for 10+ years. The majority of the panties were sizes five and six. Want to take a stab at what I wear now? Let’s just say that it isn't that number. It took me a long time to realize that having these didn't help me but were a sad and hard reminder that I continued to disappoint myself. As I try to honor the woman I have become I also realize that I am worth purchasing new stuff for the new me. I don't have to fit into the clothes, thoughts or body of that young girl any longer. I am a grown woman now and should honor this new phase in my life.

I thought that I was being frugal in saving things that I could use some day. I think that I was keeping a keepsake of my failure. A physical item that I can take out of a drawer or closet, hold up and show as a hard proof of not what I once was....but of what I failed to achieve. It was so hard to forgive myself for failing. It is still hard to do. But keeping onto the clothes was more of a self punishment than a treat.

I have selected a few pieces of clothing that have emotional value and have kept those. My prom dress with the broken zipper, the dress I wore to most parties as a teenager, a skirt, two slacks and the dress I changed into after the wedding reception. I keep them because I recognize them for what they are. Hope that makes sense.
I am currently using size 20 in pants. I have allowed myself one container with clothing under my bed. In there I am storing blouses and pants that are sizes 16 to 18. I am borderline ready to get into size 18s but I hate feeling like a sausage about to explode in tight pants so I might wait a few more weeks.

Here I am in my closet. I have to close the door in order to get a good picture. :)


I am striving to honor myself. To honor all the work my hubby put into the new closet. The way I am doing that is by not placing clothing that I don't like and doesn't fit in the closet. I deserve better.

Edited: Posted on the wrong day. Update the date. Hang in there while I get the hang of blogger. Thanks!

Progress Prompt # 7

Now that you're on a weight loss program, what's it like being with your loved ones?

I think that it has taken everyone a bit to adjust. My sister tries to out guess me with what I can and can't have. I think that she has finally settled down and realizes that she can suggest any place for lunch or dinner and it won't throw me off track. She trusts me to explain that I don't have enough points or prefer something else. (see the next question how this hesitancy of hers affects me)

My hubby feels it much more dramatically. He has to deal with the changes I make in the food that I purchase. I only buy what suits me. Like whole wheat high fiber bread instead of his beloved white wonderbread. :) I keep a lot of fruit and veggies in the house now. He says he likes fruits but the proof is in the pudding since I end up eating it all myself. He also has to deal with me going to workout each evening. That is a good two hours that I am out of the house, including the 9 hours I am out working, so the "us" time is greatly affected. He doesn't mention it but I know he would prefer that I did a video at home instead of drive at night. He has this really bad habit of worrying like crazy about me driving at night. Anyhow, he is adapting.


Do you find losing weight easier if you have the support of others or do you prefer to keep your weight loss efforts private?

I am not a shy person at all but I tend to prefer to not discuss my weight loss goals with others, friends and family. Obviously, you four blog followers and lurkers aren't included since I over share with you!

I feel that I have much more control of my journey when I don't add their expectations to it. This sounds so horrible but I feel weighted down by all my previous, failed and not failed, attempts and their expectations. I just don't need that on top of all my own self-talk. That being said, there are a few that are really aware of my goals - for everyone else I am just doing my own thing.

Happy Monday!!

Progress Prompts # 6

Name 10 good things about yourself.

1. Have a great smile.
2. Am excellent at dealing with diverse people and situations. Barely anything makes me shy or nervous.
3. I understand that I am not in control....although I would love to be!
4. I am the most improved at almost any physical activity I attempt.
5. I am intelligent.
6. My hair is awesome: naturally curly, manageable and malleable. (remind me of this when the summer humidity kicks in)
7. I have rhythm, lots and lots of it.

I can't think of three more to add. Interesting is that out of the seven only two were physical attributes. I will have to come back to this one later in my journey. I think that this exercise has opened my eyes that I have things to learn about how I view myself. There is an extreme room for growth.

I called my best buddy to have her answer it for me. Here are her answers about 10 good things about me.

1. Sexy
2. Intelligent
3. Heart of Gold
4. Logical
5. Honest
6. Giving - is too little a word
7. Trustworthy
8. Go Getter
9. Sensitive
10. Am a woman

Progress Prompt Monday #4

I apologize for the delay. My grandmother Elena was in the ICU this past week and I flew up to New York City to be with her. I got back in late on Monday and am still recovering from this long weekend.

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Progress Prompt Monday #4
Is exercise part of your weight loss program?
Hell yeah!! That is the integral part of my weight loss program this time around. Incorporating the Weight Watchers plan and moving more is what I know will be the key to my long term success.

If so, what exercises do you do?
Currently, I participate in Zumba three nights a week. I also signed up for the Biggest Loser program at work. I anticipate incorporating treadmill/stair/elliptical workouts to my routine in the next few weeks. I also plan to add pilates and yoga classes to help with my non-existent flexibility.

Do you exercise at home or at a health club?
I have mention this before but I manage the Corporate Fitness Center at work. The membership is free to all employees. I also am a member at a local gym.

How often and how long?
The local gym: 3x per week
Work gym: 5x per week

How do you feel after a workout?
Sweaty.
Extremely tired.
On a super high.

Do you love it or hate it?
L.O.V.E. it.

Are you at peace with your exercise program?
Yes because although I know it is exercise I view it more as just moving. I only take classes that I enjoy. If I absolutely hate the exercise class I just don't do it. There are enough things out there that I can do that I do like.

Are you also at peace with knowing that you have to exercise for the rest of your life?
Absolutely. After spending this weekend with my Grandmother Elena I realize that the reason she is so strong at 86 is because she never stopped moving. I look at my other Grandmother Eva, who is completely sedentary and the difference is night and day!

Progress Prompt Monday

[2.] What was your childhood like? Were you thin or obese? Did obesity run in your family? How were you treated by your family, your friends, your classmates? What were your feelings and thoughts as you dealed with obesity as a child?

I was born at Jacob Hospital in the Bronx, New York to immigrant parents. Talk about an American story. I was the third child born into a very happy and close family.


For the first six years of my life we lived on Harrison Avenue between Burnside and 180th street.

(Mom and my sister in front of the building: we are looking towards 180th street)

I just recently learned that it was called Morris Heights. Sadly the buildings were torn down in the late 80's and replaced with garden style 2 story apartment buildings. During the time that my parents lived there (late 60s to 1980) the block had 5 story apartment buildings and the corner of Burnside and Harrison was where our local bodega was located owned by Melito. I remember being given a dollar to spend between my sister and I. We would stand in his store and calculate how much we had left to spend by doing subtraction in the air. There is now a health center on that same corner.

When my mother talks about all the places she lived in New York her fondest memories is of this two bedroom apartment. I think that it is because it is where we became a family. My parents moved into the neighborhood when my brother was a year old or so. During their time there all the children in the extended family were born, right on that block. We all shared the same primary care physician. That fact has always been fascinating to me for some truly odd reason.

In our building lived many my grandmother, godmother, aunts, uncles and close family friends. In the building diagonally across the street lived my other uncles, aunts and extended family. My father says that during that time if a kid lost one tooth they celebrated it with a huge party. The kids birthday parties weren't really kid-centric as they are these days. It was more of an excuse for our parents to clear out all the living room furniture, put some music on, dance, eat and be merry for hours on end. I grew up being the runt of the litter (sort of - there was a whole second wave of cousins that were born in the 80s) surrounded by lots of cousins, cousins of cousins that weren't my blood cousins but are still my cousins. :) It was a very happy childhood.

We all, the kids in the family, had no idea that we lived in a low income area. Nor would we have cared. We were all well cared for, happy and living a wonderful New York childhood. It included playing in the fire hydrant during hot New York summers, sledding down the hill during snowy winters, shopping at Alexander's on Fordham and visiting the Roberto Clemente park as often as possible. All our fathers were hard working young immigrants. Proud to be in the United States and hard working for their families. Sundays were the day with Dad. Special days. The only one when Mom didn't make a home cooked meal because Dad would treat us all to a restaurant meal.

The cousins on my father's side of the family were born in groups so Richard and I were only one month apart. He and I were also the chunkiest of all the kids. It certainly didn't make me feel bad or odd, it just was it was.

After the Bronx my parents moved to Manhattan, 189th street and Amsterdam Avenue. That was were I first went to school (kinder to second grade). Although our apartment was directly across the street from the elementary school the kindergarten entrance was on the far corner, 188th street. Every morning my brother would walk my sister and I down the street. I felt so proud that I could keep up with him while my older sister always lagged behind. He would walk a few more blocks down to his middle school. I remember that my brother was in the chess club and won a trophy for a tournament. I was so proud of him!

After three years in Manhattan my parents moved us to Hoboken, NJ. My uncle had been living there already for a few years (also having moved from Harrison Avenue) so it wasn't totally alien to us. We lived on the corner of Newark Street and Bloomfield Street. My mother, who is by far the least trusting person I have ever met, felt very comfortable and secure in Hoboken. We lived in a good building and directly across the street from the police department. While my brother stayed registered in his NYC high school, my sister and I were registered for Demarest Elementary School. I remember when my mother walked us to school on the very first day of school how pleased she was that Demarest was located four short blocks from our house on Bloomfield Street. Sis and I were allowed to walk to and from school on our own for the first time.

There isn't any obesity in my extended family. Both my parents always held a healthy weight and were way ahead of their times. My parents believed in a very organic diet and home cleaning cooking (low in salt and oils).

My sister and brother were really thin as kids. I not only have the square jaw line of the three but was chunky as a baby and child. Everyone in the family called me "la gordita" as a term of endearment. I never felt self-conscious of my weight was a little girl and really didn't care that I was called "la gordita". I took it as a sign of love and affection, not insult or demeaning.

I recall always knowing that I was bigger than other girls in school but I had a really health self-image from a young age. I think that was reinforced by my father, brother and teachers when they continually praised my intelligence and personality. The only times when I was awkwardly aware was during "hand me down" time. My sister is significantly more petite than me but as we grew up it was typical for me to wear her better hand me downs.

(my sister and me on Harrison Avenue. This dress was a hand-me-down)

When I was 12 my parents decided to move the family to Dominican Republic. During my 11th and 12th year I had a massive growth spurt. (Those hand me downs were super tight!) I grew to the height I am today (5''5", still short by American standards but darn tall for Dominicans (the land of the short women! :) ). During my first 5 months in Dominican Republic I had a growth spurt and lost all my baby fat. My parents had been away for about three months during this time and were seriously shocked to see the change in me. I remember them sitting me down and asking about how I was feeling, thinking, eating, exercising. I didn't understand their concern but looking back that the pictures I can see how even I would have been concerned!

I can see now that a really bad pattern was starting in my life. During the school months I lived in Dominican Republic. We walked or took public transportation to any place we wanted to go so I was unconsciously active. I wasn't conscious of what I ate and don't ever remember binging while living there. During the summer months we would come back to the New York and like clockwork I would gain 15-20lbs. Within a month of being back in DR I would be at my regular weight. I followed this pattern for the six years I lived there.

After my initial growth spurt I settled into a healthy weight range (125 to 130) during my high school years. I was pretty active and unconcerned with my physical image (beyond my hair!). My cousin was diagnosed with PCOS when we were teenagers and I saw how she struggled with losing weight. I recall watching her struggle thru a cardio class at the local gym. I am ashamed to admit that I thought "what the heck is wrong with her?" because although I worked up a sweat I didn't struggle with the class. A few years later I would so completely understand her. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was in my early twenties. I am thankful that I didn't have to struggle with it during my teenage years as well.

Progress Prompt Monday

In 2007 I found this website and saved the list of progress prompts for possible use later on. There are 65 weight-loss related blog posting prompts in total.

The goal is to do a progress prompt each Monday (all 52 of them) including some extra ones every once in a while in order to complete the list in 2011. What better time than the present?


[1.] List 10 reasons why you want to lose weight. Which one is the most compelling and why?

(Listed in no particular order)

1. I want to lose weight so that my thighs don't rub together anymore.
2. I want to loser weight in order to reduce all the health risk factors that come with obesity.
3. I want to lose weight in order to align my mental image with what I see in the mirror.
4. I want to lose weight in order to not need to find a plus size section in stores and no longer have to wear the crap fabric that all plus size clothing seems to be made in!
5. I want to lose weight so that I can see my hoo-ha when I look down in the shower.
6. I want to lose weight so that I can see the wonderful muscles that I am developing.
7. I want to lose weight in order to see if pregnancy will ever be possible for me.
8. I want to lose weight because I want to be an athlete.
9. I want to lose weight to prove everyone, including my own self, that change is possible.
10. I want to lose weight so that I can sit down and not have a few rolls going down my back.

The most compelling one is # 9. I talk the talk now I want to walk the walk. I have spent the equal number of years in a healthy active weight as I have now in an overweight stagnant state. I want the next 17 years to be completely different and mind blowing!