Sliding weigh down....

Progress Prompt #14

2012-02-14T10:43:00.001-05:00

[14.] When was your last shopping trip for a clothing item? What was it? Was the shopping trip a positive or negative experience? Describe in details your thoughts and feelings as you purchased this item.

I went to Kohls a few months ago. I was looking for some new tops and maybe a skirt or pants. It was a solid so-so adventure. I find that clothes shopping is a complete mental adventure. I spend the majority of the time having a conversation with myself - alternately talking myself off and onto the ledge.

I realized this last expedition, (because yes I have to pack up my life experiences, guilt, accountability, successes and all the positive words available within me when I go to the stores)...

I choose things for the body that I want, not the body that I have.
I choose styles, looks, accessories for that future body.

This is a new behavior because years ago I chose old 80 year old grandma clothing, not even allowing myself the time to touch the pretty clothes.

I have learned to allow myself to dream a bit about what I like and then slowly progress to what is really do-able with the body I have. I mean, I could wear that form fitting dress, if I didn't care about how I looked. I really could. Shit, I have. :) But I have matured and realized that I like feeling good about what I am wearing a lot more than just wearing what I like.

Here is a picture of my in the dressing room. This is talk off the ledge moment - run on sentence monologue ohmygodisthatwhatilooklikeican'tbelievethatigotthiswaynevergoingtobe abletochangenoyoucanchangeyouhavechangednotenoughlookatthaturgh.

And then I took this picture. I remember thinking - you have come a long way. Just keep on moving. You'll be okay and I love how your hair is curling today. :)

humor only an IVF patient could get

2012-02-10T16:18:00.003-05:00

I was Googling (does that word deserve a capital or should it be lower case? - a question for another day) FET protocols and came across an interesting blog. This part was particularly funny to me. Maybe you can only get the humor in it if you have been through the IU/IVF/FET hell. The highlights and underlines are my emphasis on funny stuff.

AMS' blog post: The stealth FET cycle
Let me set the stage…I’m trying to make my appointment for Aug. 1 for my sono check. It’s the appointment to see if my lining is thick enough to start the PIO and to schedule my transfer.
Approach counter
waitwaitwaitwait
“I’ll be with you in a minute.”
“Ok!”
waitwaitwaitwait
“Can I help you?”
“I need to schedule a sono for the first.”
“What kind of sono?”
Now, I always think of all sorts of snarky responses to this question. But I remain, as always, a good girl.
“Just a lining check.”
“Of your endo?”
Ummm…this is an RE, right? What other linings do you normally check with a sono?
“uh, yes.”
“Who’s your doctor?”
“Dr. N.”
“August first?”
{sigh} No, December. I like to plan ahead.
“Yes.”
“Dr. N isn’t here that day. Is Dr. D ok?”
“Sure.”
“Ok, it looks like her only appointment is 9:45. Will that be ok?”
Now, that would mean I’d essentially miss at least three hours of work for a ten minute appointment.
“Um. There’s nothing else? Does this have to be done by the doctor? The nurse didn’t say anything about that and in the past it hasn’t been.”
“Oh, no. This is always done by the doctor so they can evaluate.”
Ok…so all, what, seven other times when I saw a nurse for this appointment what was going on then?
“Are you certain?”
“Well, I can check with the nurses and see…”
“Please.”
waitwaitwaitwait
From down the hall I hear “…and I would give the measurement to the doctor to review anyway, so it doesn’t matter who does the sono…”
VINDICATION IS MINE!
(Receptionist returns)”Well, I suppose we can have a nurse do it.”
typetypetype
“Oh, the nurses haven’t filled out the roster that far ahead yet.”
Um, 10 days? Doesn’t strike me as that far ahead, particularly for a practice that has such precise schedules. I scheduled TODAY’S appointment three weeks in advance with no problem. Your office hours are 7:30-6:30, so SOMEONE should be here, right, so just put my name down? Apparently not. Once they’ve cashed that $4000 check….
“So, I’ll just call in later, I guess?”
“Ok. Nothing is booked for then yet, so you should have no trouble.”
“When do you think the roster will be ready so I can call?”
“Any time.”
head meet desk, repeat.

She should be off work by the time they call with my E2 results. I’m going to try again then. Is there some unwritten rule that the front desk staff in an RE’s office have to be the most unsympathetic, least coordinated people around? Because, really, I love my doctor and the nurses. The folks who do the blood draws are hit-or-miss, but many of them aren’t employees of the clinic and come from one of the third-party labs so I don’t really count them. But the front desk staff? Suck to the nth degree. No, I still haven’t forgiven them for the sperm freezing debacle. I may NEVER forgive them for that. Or at least until I feel like I’ve gotten my $300 dollars worth of hate out on them.

25 things

2012-02-09T11:14:00.000-05:00

This is how I find stuff. Always completely random.

I was reading a comment that Jane left back in April and navigated over to her blog and found a link to this blog and BAMN! got a new survey to do. Thanks Jane and Julie! :)

Also check out this page that Jane made regarding Sheryl. I have to agree with her, Sheryl is very inspirational!

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed…and the toilet seats have to be down too. :)
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Absolutely. I keep usually give them to my mom. They live in a very rural area in Dominican Republic and have many visitors every year. She uses them mainly as back up if things run out before she has had a chance to make it into town.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Ha! Tucked out but as I sleep I uncover myself many many times. It has become hubby's job to cover me during the night. He says I feel like a cold side of beef.....wait a minute did he mean....?? :).
4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?
Bees. No answer cause I don't think I would be able to outrun either.
5. Do you have freckles?
Nope.
6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
When someone asks me to show them how to do something on the computer for the 100th time and then get surprised when I don't have a rosy attitude (yes, I am talking about you sweetie and my sister!)
7. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Of course and other things too. :)
8. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?
Absolutely. I dance to commercials. I believe that dancing is welcomed any day, any time.

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Nope but I did when I was a kid.
10. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Absolutely. Takes a real man to wear beautiful colors!.
11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Honey mustard, ketchup or bbq sauce - in order of preference.
12. What is your favorite food?
Ice cream!!!

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Shawshank Redemption, Ocean's 11, Something's gotta give, For love and Basketball, The Italian Job
14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Neither although be a boy scout would have been really funny..
15. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
No. It took me a couple of weeks to feel like I could let my own dog see me naked.
16. Can you change the oil on a car?
Nope. :)
17. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No.
18. Ever ran out of gas?
No.
19. Are you lazy?
Sometimes. I have days of hyperactivity but then others....not so much.
20. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
My best costumed was the year that my brother and his highschool buddies painted my face and dressed me up as a gypsy using my mom's clothing. I think I was about 9 or 10 years old.

21. How many languages can you speak?
Spanish and English. Please don't ask which is my first language because I can't ever remember not speaking one.
22. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Letterman.
23. Do you sing in the car?
Heck yeah! "And sometimes I’ll think I sound good and turn down the volume only to realize that it’s Carrie Underwood who sounds good, not me" I agree with Julie's comment. :)
24. Ever eat a pierogi?
Hum no....let me go google that now. Wow, those sound yummy.
25. First concert?
I don’t remember! Dad took us all the time to dance with live bands but I think that my first concert was when I took my sweetie to see Vincente Fernandez for his birthday.

return to dance

2012-02-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night has become my Tuesday Tuneups
Tuesdays are now for Dancing
Who needs a Friday when you can do it on a Tuesday?

Getting my feet up under me again.
Regaining balance.
Remembering where my right versus my left feet are located.
Feeling the music.
Trying to not back lead when the male students don't get it right.
Trying to not say a few bleep bleep bleep words to the same male students when they say I missed the count. Hum...are you leading or not?
Feeling accomplished.
Knowing I have a long way to go but willing to come back again.

Loving every minute of Tuesday nights!

Progress Prompt #13

2012-02-03T09:50:00.002-05:00

How is your knowledge in nutrition? What consists of a balanced and healthy meal?I think that although I don't follow it much I have a decent knowledge base on nutrition. Since I have PCOS at lot of what I have learned has been around carbs and protein. But I think that my mom and dad taught me the most and easiest: eat things that had a mama or came from the earth most, low in salt, low in oil, lots of veggies at every meal, everything in moderation, only water with meals…unless you were dad and there was that ice cold Heineken with dinner.

My mom’s balanced dinner ALWAYS was homemade with fresh ingredients: white rice, stewed beans, something that had a mama (chicken, steak, and fish), fresh veggies, and water.

That is comfort food for me. It is also called the “La Bandera” (the flag) because you can literally find that line up in any Dominican home during lunch/dinner time.

Do you think you're eating well?

I find that my eating great during the day while at work but the evenings are much more of a challenge for me. That is why one of my goals is to make a meal plan. I think that this will help me stay on target in the evenings since things won’t be left to what mood I am in.

How many calories are you eating every day?

I would have to guess that well beyond 2000 calories. I have signed up for myfitnesspal as well as the bodybugg so I should have a much better concept by the end of the month.

Have you discovered any specific void in your nutrition that was causing your weight gain and what are you doing to correct it?

Vitamin supplements and good oils so far. Again, after a month I should have a better idea with the new tools I am using.

2011-12-30T11:22:00.002-05:00

And a Happy New Year!
I have many plans for this blog in 2012.
Thanks for sticking around.
(click on the pic and have an up close view
of Maggie, Coco and Bella)

Hello, Pilates

2011-10-05T13:00:00.000-04:00

Last night I took the plunge and took a pilates class. It was a very simple sequence and completely at my level, thank goodness! Many years ago I took pilates classes for 12 weeks and loved it. I felt such improvement in my strength and ability...and as is my pattern....I stopped. Why you ask? Your guess is as good as mine.

I am super proud that:
a) I walked into the class. It was a 5:45pm class provided at the gym at work. This meant that I spent all day convincing myself of going to the class. Then flaking out. Then convincing myself that I wanted it. Needed it. And then...flaking out.
b) I tried level II moves each time she showed them and was able to successfully do many of them. Very exciting to realize that I am not as weak as I think at times.
c) I sat facing the mirror and really looked at myself in my full glory. This self awareness is something that I miss from dance. Living in the moment and moving right through it.

Here are a few of the Pilates moves I attempted yesterday. I couldn't find a reference for the one I found the most challenging: controlled sit.

Corkscrew

Bridge

Controlled sit: can'

Going backward to go forward

2011-09-23T08:47:00.000-04:00

I don't know really what the universe is trying to tell me but lately I have found myself reviewing things from the past, mainly researching stuff for work. But then I stumble across notes, pictures and email that transport to a different time of my own growth. Marriage, career, friendships, family, travel, thank you notes. Somethings I am happy have changed, others I miss and yearn for...

This just confirms my commitment to document life, my life. However crazy, unhinged and complicated it may be.

September Sunrise by http://thepioneerwoman.com/

Maggiano's = heavy stomach

2011-08-24T11:06:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I attended a business dinner at Maggiano's. The food was delicious and the company excellent. And then I woke up today with the feeling of having digested a stone.

As I slowly woke up, limped to the bathroom (story for another day), it slowly dawned on me that when I eat pasta, rich creamy pasta, I get this dreaded yucky feeling. This has only started to happened since I started Glumetza for my insulin resistance.

It is a physical confirmation that my body needs other types of foods and I should pay attention! What is even sadder is that I really did pace myself and was very proud of what I did consume.

On the way to work my body couldn't quite decide if it wanted it to go out the top or the bottom. Yuck! Thankfully, it left the decision for a later time.

UHC vs Me

2011-08-23T17:29:00.001-04:00

I am very fortunate that my insurance covers my cycles at 99%, literally. There is a formal process where I have to receive approval before each cycle. I called two weeks in a row and finally got an answer on my third call. She said she can't give me an approval until they do a 30 review of my chart to make sure I haven't exceeded my lifetime maximum.

Ladies and Gents, by the Grace of God, did I not start swearing like a sailor on the phone call. A few deep, almost hyperventalating breaths later, I kindly asked if we could speed up this process since I HAD BEEN CALLING for two weeks and would have been 15 days into this "process".

I will get the response from my biopsy and insurance company around the same time next week.

I had blissfully forgotten how much I hated the IVF cycle crap till just yesterday. Then I read all a message board with wonderful messages and thought...."I am not in this alone. And you too could have a nice beta number to post soon. Suck it up, girl!"

Happy Tuesday!

IVF training....is now boarding

2011-08-19T13:15:00.003-04:00

Hubby and I decided to literally suck it up and go for our 7th, almost final, IVF cycle.

There will only be one more cycle after this one. I expect to close this chapter in our lives, cry a bit and then forge forward. I can't quite envision how life looks like after all this. Really. Living with this madness for so long I hope that the other side of infertility....still childless....is full of hope and joy that I can't imagine today.

The first step in this rather long journey is a few blood work tests for us both and a exploratory hysteroscopy. What I lovingly refer to as a "lookie-see". This is setup for Monday morning. Assuming everything is looking as good as it can we start the IVF cycle with my next period. That is scheduled to arrive around September 14th but with my uterus you better not bet on that. :)

Still working on the weight since that is a major factor with my PCOS-insulin resistance-endometriosis trifecta. As of last week I was 226. I haven't weighed in this week but am starting up my personal training again on Tuesday.

Here are a few posts I did on our history:
Owning Scarlett Letter
Life is different

I can't tell you how good it feels to be moving on this. There are many months, years that I have felt stuck in this process. Not knowing one way or another how things would work out and freaking out about both. I feel that I am finally in a place where either result won't destroy me. I will feel pain and disappointment but I will survive and thrive.....right after the emotional breakdown. Come on, we have to keep it real!

I found this cute picture on a blog. Love it.

Inspirational Women

2011-07-20T10:44:00.003-04:00

I absolutely loved Olivia and Hannah on the last season of the biggest loser. What is not to love? They are strong women, funny, sisters and such an inspiration!

I found their really cool blog last night. Go on over to their blog and get some inspiration.

Those Who Don’t Give Up

2011-07-07T16:03:00.004-04:00

Excerpt from Grace Burrowe's blog.

This post was a great AHA! moment and really covers how I have been feeling. I haven't given up. I won't give up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"He's Given Up

I know a fellow, a friend, who will say upon seeing a fat person, "He's given up."

My friend is not fat. I suspect his version of struggling with weight is to decide about two weeks out he ought to lose five pounds so he'll fit into his black suit a little better at his niece's wedding. He skips desserts and all five pounds fall off.

I carry extra weight and have for most of my adult life. I have excuses—thyroid disease, Lyme disease, stress (my fave)—but I could be doing more to achieve a healthier weight. I could be obsessing, which strikes me as about as unhealthy as toddling around in my well padded, mostly happy, form.

But I have by no means given up, damn it. Every meal, I struggle not to eat more, not to eat the things that will trowel on the lard, to stick to the stuff my naturopath insists will give me "good energy." I struggle to make myself take walks, to get the heck out of bed every morning and do my barn chores. I struggle when I grocery shop to make good choices, or at least not very bad ones. (Love that little bitty single serve Dove ice cream. Love it.)

As I sit the live long day at my computer, I struggle moment by moment not to get up, hit the fridge, and grab not a carrot stick, but rather, a shortbread cookie. Or a bag of shortbread cookies.

Every moment of every day.

I have not given up, and I have yet to meet the overweight person who has. We still hope, we still try, we still pray, we struggle and struggle and struggle.

But somebody has given up. The person who looks at me and sees only my overweight has given up on my humanity. To them, I am my weight, and they can walk on by, dismissing me with a single word, or a number. They don't know I have worlds of creativity and humor and heart inside me. They've given up—on me.

This happens to blondes, to children, to people who talk funny, people who are short, people who wear pocket protectors, people with babies screaming at them in the produce section, and people with white hair or no hair. They are given up on regularly.

And this is why the company of writers is so cheering. Writers don't give up. You see a geezer, the writer will see a World War II romance. You see a screaming baby and an overwrought mother, the writer sees a Meet about to happen. You see a tall guy get out of a vintage Volkswagon, and I see an alpha hero about to be mistaken for a beta because he tuned up his little sister's bug........."
Grace Burrowes -hergracenotes.com

Chatter from the floor

2011-06-15T15:53:00.002-04:00

Facebook post on June 7th.

Walking in her pants

2011-06-14T15:39:00.013-04:00

On a monthly basis my closet receives new items. Not purchased at a store but given to me by my buddy Vanesa. I can literally say that I walk in her pants many days a month. :)

I actually met Vanesa in July of 2009. At the time I didn't really think much of our casual meeting. We are the Friday night social at our dance studio. She was giggly, seemed very young and new to the dance studio. This is the picture of the first time I actually spoke to her.

What in the world was I thinking wearing that red dress?
It WAS a sad attempt to camophage how big I was. Ironically, I weighed less there than I do today.

By late Fall of 2009 she and I had become good friends. I discovered that her giggles are her defense in uncomfortable situations. They now make me laugh really had since I know that it is giving her true feelings away in any situation. She had overcome a very abusive childhood and hard teenage years to become a wonderful woman.

All during 2010 our friendship has blossomed. Her kids are a welcomed site at my home any day. I discovered that she is really a wonderful, smart, BIG hearted woman! Some days I see her as my little sis and others she is my most trusted confidant.

Little did I know, that summer evening in 2009, that Vanesa had already started her incredible weight loss journey. By the time I had met her she had lost 50 lbs and was working on losing more.

When Vanesa started her weight loss journey she immediately got a trainer, Ms. Jen. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her but oh the wonders I hear about Jen! With Jen Vanesa discovered her own strength, despite her weight! Watching Vanesa workout is quite an experience. She is intense, works really hard and sweats like a beast!

During the early days of In the summer of 2010 Vanesa decided to have plastic surgery (arm tuck and tummy tuck). She had hoped to wait till she got to her goal weight but she realized that she was feeling do disappointed that she couldn't "see" her work. She couldn't see the muscle definition in her abs, back or arms.

By this point she was down to 220 lbs and had lost 77 lbs. She traveled overseas and had the surgery done in July 2009. I picked her hubby and her up at the airport. Broke my heart to see her come out in a wheelchair and then walk so slowly. Her arms were in compression garments and swollen. Ouch!

Immediately after arriving home she started the countdown to when she could work out again. I think that all of city heard when she was able to get back to the gym. She was that excited!

In the late fall, we both realized that we weren't going to be able to compete in a ballroom competition this year. Vanesa, almost immediately, changed her goal to become a Zumba instructor. She had been taking Zumba classes for a few years and had even introduced me to my newest addiction. :)

At the start of this year she was at 220 lbs Today Vanesa is not only a Zumba instructor but also down to 188 lbs. I am so proud to walk to walk in her pants! She is such an inspiration!!

Week 27: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-06-09T16:41:00.003-04:00

May 25 to May 31st, 2011
Current Weight: 228.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -.5
Total gain/loss: -12.5 lbs

I am feeling really good.

Journaling my WW points and food - check!
Wearing my bodybugg - check!
Exercising - check!
Drinking water - check! check!

If you are a Friends show fan you will realize how much like Ross and Monica this check list is. :)

Surrender

2011-06-03T13:22:00.003-04:00

I read a tweet from Jillian Michael's saying that she couldn't get enough of this song. Since I had never heard it I went out to youtube to check it out.

Your Surrender - what a perfect title for how I feel about my life right now, today, this instant. When will I surrender to the life that I have, not the one that I dreamt of, not the one I wish for, but the one right in my hands? I feel like I am still resisting and true achievement will not come through until I surrender completely.

Thanks, Jillian for the tweet! This song speaks to me!

Week 26: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-06-01T18:00:00.004-04:00

May 25 to May 31st, 2011
Current Weight: 229 lbs
Week to Week loss: n/a
Total gain/loss: -12.0 lbs

Today was my nephew's highschool graduation. There were several speakers but one made me want to lunge at the stage. :) Her topic was on how different teenagers graduating this year are from all other teenages across 100 years. Personally, with the exception of the actual date, I don't think that this graduating class is any different than mine was from 20 years ago this month.

We wanted to be independent. We were scared of the future but so ready to see it happen. We loved and cared. We worried. We were proud of our accomplishment. What we didn't have was texting, blogging, facebook or tweeting. But I think that there is much more that makes us the same than that that separates us.

Week 25: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-05-25T12:46:00.002-04:00

May 18 to May 24, 2011
Current Weight: 229 lbs
Week to Week loss: n/a
Total gain/loss: -12.0 lbs

Back to basics! Come by and see my again. I was down but definitely not out!!

Hey there!

2011-05-09T13:28:00.001-04:00

Feeling good, strong and sexy. Who would have thunk it?

Promise to have a good long post this week!! I have missed ya.

A day in the week

2011-04-14T11:24:00.004-04:00

This week was very active social week - dinners, get-togethers, catching up with old friends.

*I* am a social butterfly.

Yup.

Give me cocktail parties.

Give me twitter.

Give me facebook.

I love to socialize.

Read that all again and then please explain why I have been avoiding meeting up with my two besties this week? At first I though it was just life getting in the way and then I figured out that no, it was me getting in the way.

I think I most eloquently explained it this morning. I love them. I adore them. Over the past two months they have both made huge strides in their lives. I have taken action but am in-the-same-damn-place as I was when we last got together. This isn't their fault but I couldn't deal with what I envisioned the conversation to be. What a freaking baby I am. Urgh. Yuck. I am so over myself.

~~~~~~~~~~
On another note, I am reading two books that I am loving right now. Quick, Before the Music Stops: How Ballroom Dancing Saved My Life and Unlimited.

I am leaving tomorrow to SC for my sweet friend Amanda's baby shower. I am looking forward to spending time with her this weekend!

Progress Prompt #11

2011-04-11T15:35:00.001-04:00

[11.] Write about your epiphany. What was your "aha!" moment? What prompted you to begin your weight loss journey?

Since I have gained and lost the same 40-ish lbs I guess I have had a few AHA moments along the way. The latest, and most significant, occur ed on December 12, 2010. Yes, I know the actual date.

Earlier that week my hubby and I had a rough rough painful conversation. It stayed with me for days and not in a good way. On December 12th I was in my closet, mulling over my hurt feelings, my thoughts for the future, thinking of my birthday that would be in a short 16 days when it happened....that AHA! moment.

I am not in a race.
These changes I am making are for the REST of my LIFE.

Viewed in this light I realized one day in a span 35405 days (total days in my life if I live to 97ish+) isn't a life-altering-goal-shattering thing. It is just a day. I need to take it all in stride and not allow one day or 30 days (yes, talking about March) determine my success.

Guess what? I stopped pedaling on the grand bike of weight-loss last month. So what! I am still on the bike and have started pedaling again.

Stay on the bike.
Rest when you need it.
Pedal again.
Keep on pedaling.

Friday cheer and blues

2011-04-08T11:38:00.003-04:00

I am super excited that today is Friday! Not only will I get to sleep in but also just get to enjoy my home, my sweetie and the doggies.

That being said, I have been working on a project for a few months. Rather dragging my feet since I don't like it, it is emotionally exhausting and quite frankly I wanted it to just disappear and leave me alone. After submitting it, finally, I received some unpleasant news regarding it today.

I have myself convinced that this is the universe's way of helping working thru my issues. That being said, I would have hoped to not have this last bit of stuff to work through! But I am going to suck it up and just move right along. At least I didn't go eat a chocolate bar, a bag of chips and a #1 meal at McDonalds. I would say that is improvement even if I want to bash my head against a wall. :)

Happy Friday!

Questions from the Trainer

2011-04-06T16:57:00.008-04:00

Have I ever told you about Elise? She was the manager of the fitness center at my job and, for about two sessions, my personal trainer. She is an excellent ambassador the health and fitness industry and a great friend. Oh, I did tell you that as a big fat joke the universe made me the manager of the corporate fitness center. Talk about jokes.

Here is a video of her teaching a demo class during an all day fair at our office. I love her thighs and butt, or as I call them her Thutt.

Anyhoo - I emailed Elise a week ago and explained that I was interested in having her as a personal trainer for a few weeks. She sent me this list of questions which, quite frankly, I have stumpt me. It took me four days and I finally responded. What you answer to these?

1. Are you interested in 30 or 60 minute training sessions?
2. Are you committed to this and willing to do what it takes to see the changes?
3. What are you short term goals?
4. What are your long term goals?
5. What are your expectations for the trainings?
6. Are you changing your eating habits or have met with a nutritionist and are making the proper changes?
7. What times are you looking at doing training?
8. Where is more convenient for you (work, home or local gym)?
9. What are you currently doing for your exercise workout?
10. Would you say your "daily diet" is healthy? If not, why?

Think about and we'll talk about it later. In the meantime....here is a picture of me doing something that is between a downward facing dog and me just crashing to the floor from that same day in 2009. :) My thutt looks huge even from this angle!

Sucking it up ....and in

2011-03-28T20:15:00.005-04:00

Yes, March was a dud of a month.

So, I am hitting a reset button for April. I think it should work to reset my brain, mind and body.

I think that I posted, way back when, on the this blog that I have PCOS. I was diagnosed in 2000 and since then have gotten a host of other diagnosis. Last week I was listening to Jillian Michael's podcast interview with Dr. V. What an excellent podcast!! They covered a variety of endocrinology issues from PCOS, diabetes, insulin resistance, thyroid problems, etc. Wonderful stuff! It also was a great day to hear it since I was going to my endocrinologist the next day and I was prepared with some really great questions.

I strongly believe in being your own advocate. The doctor and I are in a partnership, not dictatorship. She/he must engage in dialogue with me to get my buy-in on any treatment: and I mean any treatment. I guess that 7 rounds of IVF makes me a little jaded. :) Once I get my final round of blood work I will post my endocrinologist status. :) Be ready for an interesting read!

Talking about IVF, hubby and I have decided to go for it again. Deep breath. Yup, let’s take another deep breath for good measure. I know FOR A FACT that THAT is why I had a meltdown type month in March. It takes my mind/spirit a while to process.

I'll post what are plans are in a few weeks once we get all our ducks in a row but don't worry no huge surprises.

Weight loss + special medication + lots of exercise + good diet + special injections & meds (might) = baby try #8.

We'll have a solid game plan and process in a few weeks. I am also compiling my IVF saga to post as a separate page. I hope that someone can learn from our lessons. Take care and God bless!

edited: to fix the formatting! sorry about that!

Quiet March

2011-03-22T16:35:00.002-04:00

March has been a rough month for me. I haven't fallen off the wagon...since I am seeing my journey more like the road lately....something permanent instead of transient.

I will post more in the next few days. Just wanted to let you know that I am alive. Holding steady at 232. Deep breathing. Deep thinking. That sums it up for me.

My sweetie and I, this past Sunday @ the Astros vs Pirates spring training game in Osceola:

Last Sunday on the way to afternoon lunch with the extended family:

Swish Swish

2011-03-01T11:45:00.000-05:00

I might be dating myself here but do you remember this song? I tried to embedded it here but Blogger is not liking it today!

The very first line is "Woop Woop that da sound of da police".
When I was walking thru my house today my thighs were signing "Swoosh Swoosh that da sound of your legs". Really. I could hear it clear as a bell. :)

Today, I became brave and tried something I haven't in years. Actually, today is the second time in over 10 years that I have worn tights/stockings.

My thighs, even at my healthiest weight in the 130s, have a very close relationship. They don't like to be apart and would rather graze, rub and now....never separate unless forced to by some clothing material. (extract your minds from the gutter) This would explain why I have been wearing pants exclusively since I gained all the weight over 15+ years ago.

This is an email that I recently sent Sheryl. I really hope that she has some useful advise for this plus size girl!

Hi Sheryl,

I always always loved wearing skirts and dresses. When I was
at a healthy and fit weight I was wore stockings and leggings all the time as
well. As I started to gain wait I realized one day, while walking down the
hallway at work, that that whooshing sound was my legs rubbing together!! I went
straight to wearing pants and never looked back until about two years ago.

You have blogged about the great changes your legs have gone through but
when you were still working towards goal, did you have this whooshing effect? Any
advise on how to handle it? I now wonder if it was the brand or type of
stocking. Anyhow, any advise is greatly appreciated since I want to get back to
wearing the skirts and dresses with confidence.

Thanks!

Here are some shots of my legs today. I love when I walk on tile since the clacking of my heels drowns out the swooshing sound! :)

Progress Prompt #10

2011-02-28T10:30:00.000-05:00

I skipped # 9 since it refers to holidays. I will go back and use that one when we are approaching the holidays later this year.

[10.] Among many online weight loss journalers, rewarding themselves for meeting goals is a big part of their weight loss journey. Does planning a reward really work for you? Is it for your short-term or long-term goal? What are the rewards you usually give yourself? Is it a good idea to reward yourself with food? Why or why not? What's your ultimate reward for when you meet your goal weight?

This is a tricky question for me. I have been such a yo-yo weight loser for such a long time that I still haven't quite figured out what works for me. I will try to answer these as I feel today but I may have to come back to this idea after I have learned a bit more about myself.

Does planning a reward really work for you?
Historically it hasn't but over the last few years my views on finances, instant gratification and patience has really changed. I hope to incorporate some rewards but haven't come up with anything yet.

Lately, I have been looking forward to the reward of how my body and muscles will feel, of how I will feel proud of myself, of what I have to look forward to be able to do (like skiing. Something that I have been fearful of doing). I don't focus on what I will be able to purchase at a store as much. Although, lets be honest, being able to shop at any store and possibly buy items that have a lower number is highly motivating. :)

Is it for your short-term or long-term goal?
Weight goals:
My immediate goal is to break into the "22_".
My short-term goal is to get into "19_".
My long term goal is to be in the low 140s.

Other goals: become a runner. become a better dancer. learn how to ride a bike.

What are the rewards you usually give yourself?
N/A

Is it a good idea to reward yourself with food? Why or why not?
WW doesn't think that it is a good idea. I agree and disagree. Going along with another WW philosophy, nothing is off limits I would like to think that I could congratulate myself with something that I love to eat. Checkout what Sheryl's post on what she did when she hit her WW goal. I now know that food isn't what got me to this point, it was my mind. My lack of self-love and care that translated into no portion control, poor choices and using it as inappropriately. I hope and pray that when I reach goal I will be so much further along on this path that a treat won't throw me overboard.

What's your ultimate reward for when you meet your goal weight?
I have three major ones: plastic surgery to remove the organic apron that is now my lower abdomen, compete in a large ballroom competition fancy gowns and all, go to Italy. Now, I can just hit the lottery at the same time I hit goal so that I can fund these dreams? :)

Happy Friday

2011-02-25T12:50:00.003-05:00

I am feeling so wonderful today! Go and embrace life this weekend! Thank you so much for reading my blog. I appreciate you today! xoxo

Here are a few self-potrait pictures from this week.

Found this gem in the Whole Living magazine at my endocronologist office this week:

Week 11: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-02-23T12:50:00.000-05:00

February 16 to 22, 2011
Current Weight: 232.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -.5
Total gain/loss: -9.0 lbs

Helen, my WW leader, is always screaming at us to share non-scale victories. And yes, I really do mean screaming. She is a little thing but she has a great voice!

Lets breakdown my Monday.

Monday was a really hard day at work.

Hard.

Let me give you a taste - ever have a project that you have been working on, updating, compiling and just about ready to share? Imagine that 4 business days worth of data, just sitting out there, on that nice server, just waiting for you to send it along on Monday morning. Now imagine coming into work and finding out that the server had a bit of Alzheimer's over the weekend and only has the version from....lets be generous....three weeks ago. And then the IT gurus shrug their shoulders and say "Nothing we can do, but this here server is the best in the world". {insert curse words here}

Getting to Zumba:
Somehow I got roped into taking my neighbor to the Zumba classes each night. Don't get me wrong, most evenings I don't mind but my driving time is the only "me" time that I have. I can listen to my music, make calls, cry, pray and just enjoy being with me. :) Having a passenger cramps this process significantly. I feel so guilty for feeling this way and don't have the heart to make a change yet but I will need to figure something out.

At the Gym:
We got there a full half hour earlier than usual. Since my neighbor had to fix her account I was looking forward to jumping on a stair climber or treadmill. A girl can have dreams! I ended up having the translate to resolve the issue. Then when we get the treadmills I had to set it up for everyone. Going 1.5 mph was too fast for them. It would have been really funny if I wasn't so tensed by this point. I regrouped and thought that what the heck - I am going to get in a great cardio class and don't need to get bent out of shape with this. A girl can have dreams!

Tony had taught the 6pm class but had left the sub for the next class. She got her certification last week. She is a very nice person and did a decent job. It was her first time flying solo so there were many oops and restarts but it was a decent job. That being said, I was pissed as hell. I had a crappy day, a crappy drive over, a crappy time on the treadmill and now I couldn't even get my cardio at the level I needed.

Anger is definitely not my go to emotion. I was so angry that night.
I was angry worked sucked.
I was angry that I didn't get the workout I needed.
I was angry that I "needed" such a high intensity workout.
I was angry that I needed to lose 100 lbs.
I was angry that I allowed myself to get to this physical place.
I was angry that I participated in it. I am not a victim.
I was angry that I have to try so hard.
I was angry that I wanted to eat because I was angry!

Let me just say that I didn't expect this reaction from a little computer glitch at work and a Zumba instructor change. If you ask me, I overreacted but I couldn't control the anger once it started to flow. {That explains why anger isn't my go to emotion. I am too neurotic. I want to be able feel like I have a semblance of control}

I cried on my hubby shoulder, took a shower, journaled for a few minutes, talked on the phone, laid on the bed and watch the fan spin but I did not go and eat. That is my non-scale victory. I didn't go medicate my feelings with food {although eating was all I could think of} and I didn't allow myself to stay in pity party mode. I went to my WW meeting at lunch yesterday and Zumba in the evening. I told Tony that I need his workouts and he gave me a heck of a workout last night. I am victorious!

Progress Prompt #8

2011-02-21T12:17:00.001-05:00

How many sizes of clothes do you have in your closet and drawers? How do your "thin clothes" make you feel? Why do you keep your "fat clothes?" What would happen if you gave away every single piece of clothing that didn't fit you? Are you willing to do it?

About a year ago I cleared my heart and mind....and closet of all the old clothes baggage. I gave away a lot of my brand new lingerie, bras and panties that I have held onto for 10+ years. The majority of the panties were sizes five and six. Want to take a stab at what I wear now? Let’s just say that it isn't that number. It took me a long time to realize that having these didn't help me but were a sad and hard reminder that I continued to disappoint myself. As I try to honor the woman I have become I also realize that I am worth purchasing new stuff for the new me. I don't have to fit into the clothes, thoughts or body of that young girl any longer. I am a grown woman now and should honor this new phase in my life.

I thought that I was being frugal in saving things that I could use some day. I think that I was keeping a keepsake of my failure. A physical item that I can take out of a drawer or closet, hold up and show as a hard proof of not what I once was....but of what I failed to achieve. It was so hard to forgive myself for failing. It is still hard to do. But keeping onto the clothes was more of a self punishment than a treat.

I have selected a few pieces of clothing that have emotional value and have kept those. My prom dress with the broken zipper, the dress I wore to most parties as a teenager, a skirt, two slacks and the dress I changed into after the wedding reception. I keep them because I recognize them for what they are. Hope that makes sense.
I am currently using size 20 in pants. I have allowed myself one container with clothing under my bed. In there I am storing blouses and pants that are sizes 16 to 18. I am borderline ready to get into size 18s but I hate feeling like a sausage about to explode in tight pants so I might wait a few more weeks.

Here I am in my closet. I have to close the door in order to get a good picture. :)

I am striving to honor myself. To honor all the work my hubby put into the new closet. The way I am doing that is by not placing clothing that I don't like and doesn't fit in the closet. I deserve better.

Edited: Posted on the wrong day. Update the date. Hang in there while I get the hang of blogger. Thanks!

Biggest Loser

2011-02-18T11:54:00.003-05:00

I have been watching the Biggest Loser since season 2. I really like the show, get annoyed with the game play but realize that is just part of the show. My all time favorite players have been Ali, Tara, all the Tonga boys and the crying brothers. :)

When this season started I was shocked as to how many people chose the other trainers. From a game play and weight loss perspective it makes sense to get stay on campus for as long as possible regardless of the trainer....but I would still have choosen Bob and Jillian. Call me crazy but I just knew in my marrow that it would have been the best choice for me.

Fast forward a few weeks and the others are back. Again, I know that it is a game and a TV show but the word "others" just iggs me. We are ALL trying to get our lives back on track, get healthy and get to living. Anyhow.....we now get to meet the new trainers.

Boy, boy, oh boy am I happy with my original decision. (You see how easily I get to jump into an alternate universe were I am really on the biggest loser? :) ). I like Brett but am not too crazy about Cara. I am certainly not crazy about using boxing as my primary cardio exercise to lose weight. How is that my little nephew put it when asked if he wanted karate classes, "Mama, I'm a lover not a fighter". LOL Well, I am a wimp not a boxer. It is great for others. It is great cardio. It is not for me. If only I could dance my way to my goal! I would so have regretted joining Cara and Brett's team.

The other thing is that the way the show is edited in such a way that it looks like other teams just stand there and watch while two people are boxing. That seems like an oxymoron to me.

Beyond that - the fact that they didn't learn about nutrition from the get-go was another turn off. It seems awesome but unless you are going to send a live in chef to be with me for the rest of my days I need to learn about portion control, healthy cooking and calories.

My favorite ones that I cheer for every week so far are:
Moses and Kaylee - told you I had a thing for those Tongans!
Hannah and Olivia - sisters rule!
Courtney and Marci - that girl just has such a fire in her! She motivates me!
Irene - I can see the inner hottie in her. Watch out for her at the finale!
Rulon - because he reminds me of my hubby. Lost their way and fighting hard to find his way back.

I cheer for Arthur as well but I have a love-hate relationship with him. I want him to do well so badly but he continues to make poor choices. Sometimes, it is like looking at myself and that can be pretty uncomfortable. He has a very long way to go and it is hard to stay focused and dedicated. I feel the same way when I look at my own 100 lb jourey. I am only 9.5 into the 100. It feels like an ocean to cross with only a small paddle boat to travel on some days.

I literally got out of my chair and cheered for him when he got that huge loss this week. I hope that the mental shift sticks and he continues onward and downward!

Week recap + a video

2011-02-16T08:53:00.001-05:00

I haven't really done much in the past week. My hormones have been kicking my ass, literally. Pre-menstrual hormone surge caused me extreme intestinal pain for much of the week. This is a throw back to over 15 years ago. I was so happy when that stopped but here we go again! On top of that my mood has been on a rollercoaster ride too. I am sure that my hubby would have love to send me to the moon. Shoot, I would have loved to go! :)

What I did do, besides eating cookies, chips, soda, candy, gum, etc when I wasn't doubled over in pain, was go to Zumba. That has to be the only reason I held my weight this week. Here is a video they recorded last week. You'll get to see me in my Zumba glory around 1:02 minutes into the video. There are designated colors for each day but I didn't get the memo and was in blue. ;)

I am starting fresh.....starting right now.
Okay, maybe a few minutes from now.
Darn it! Don't be so demanding!
I will start fresh. Immediately.
Unless.
Oh, well - I'll try my best this week.
Cross my heart.

You are what you read....or watch on TV

2011-02-10T08:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I went to the café for my breakfast burrito. I have been going to this place for nine years now and know the owner and staff really well. We got to talking about the great job my hubby did in making over my walk in closet. He is an incredible handyman type of guy and really knocked it out of the park on my closet! I will post some before and after pictures of it soon.

Anyhow, Alexis was saying how she needs a walk-in closet because she has too much stuff. She is in her early twenties and about three years ago lost about 25 lbs. She is also in the mists of planning her wedding. In her closet she has clothes that fit her now, clothes a few sizes larger and a few size smaller. At this point I started to channel the hoarder whisper lingo, this is the one I watch. Here are a few of my beautiful regurgitated lines:

"Remove one item for every new item you purchase"

"You don't need new clothing if you already have ones that still have the tags on"
In response to Alexis saying she can't get rid of any of the clothes because many still have tags!

"Honor your new body with new clothing. Stop holding onto the past"
In response to Alexis saying that she needs them just in case she loses or gains.

"Recognize when you are holding on due to sentimental value versus true value. Limit that to a few pieces"
In response to Alexis saying there are things that she really still likes, regardless of the size.

"You are not going to want to be in your fat clothes. You are going to want to honor and enjoy your pregnant body"
In response to her statement that she was holding onto the bigger size clothes in case she became pregnant.

At the end of our chat she said that I was channeling Oprah. :) Hey, I'll take the compliment.

Don't get me wrong, I have just very very recently have figured this out for myself. The new closet design has also helped me clarify my vision for my "stuff". I am just so tired of seeing so much "stuff" that I can't possibly use.

It isn't just clothing, towels, books, etc it is all the stuff that I carry around in my head. The anger of things that happened in the past, the disappointments, the running monologue that doesn't help build me up, the debt, the fear. I am just plain tired of it all.

I have started to address my physical environment in the hopes that it will help with my mental clutter. I think it is working. And if I have to channel Oprah every now and again to get a step closer I am good with that. :)

Week 9: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-02-09T14:40:00.007-05:00

February 2nd to 8th, 2011
Current Weight: 232 lbs
Week to Week loss: - 1
Total gain/loss: -9.5 lbs

I am a coward.

I am afraid of failure.
I am afraid that due to my weight I will never be a mother.
I am afraid of pain.
I am afraid of feeling pain again from the IVF cycles.
I am afraid of feeling the heart breaking pain of being successful at weight loss and still not be a mother.
I am afraid of feeling the pain from pushing my body harder than I did yesterday.
I am afraid of failing again after I have moderate success.
I am afraid of being completely honest with myself because I might not like myself.
I am afraid of being completelyhonest with others because they might not like.
(ironically enough people feel that I am too honest with them. If they only knew what I hold back!)

The one thing that I have come to realize is that being afraid is no way to live. So, inspite of my fear I am making great progress

I can do the high-intensity jumping in Zumba now.
I can keep up with the instructor in all the songs instead of taking a marching break.
I go workout even when I am not in the mood and without much convincing.
I am honest with myself every day. I can't hide from myself!
I am honest with the people that matter the most in my life and work thru the fear of hurting them or myself.
I have identified another thing I like about myself.
I don't feel like I am on a diet but on a life long change. And that is a momentous moment people!
I am getting comfortable with being angry.
I am realizing that not having the life that any woman in my family has ever had is okay. It is okay to charter my own course.

Progress Prompt # 7

2011-02-07T11:31:00.002-05:00

Now that you're on a weight loss program, what's it like being with your loved ones?

I think that it has taken everyone a bit to adjust. My sister tries to out guess me with what I can and can't have. I think that she has finally settled down and realizes that she can suggest any place for lunch or dinner and it won't throw me off track. She trusts me to explain that I don't have enough points or prefer something else. (see the next question how this hesitancy of hers affects me)

My hubby feels it much more dramatically. He has to deal with the changes I make in the food that I purchase. I only buy what suits me. Like whole wheat high fiber bread instead of his beloved white wonderbread. :) I keep a lot of fruit and veggies in the house now. He says he likes fruits but the proof is in the pudding since I end up eating it all myself. He also has to deal with me going to workout each evening. That is a good two hours that I am out of the house, including the 9 hours I am out working, so the "us" time is greatly affected. He doesn't mention it but I know he would prefer that I did a video at home instead of drive at night. He has this really bad habit of worrying like crazy about me driving at night. Anyhow, he is adapting.

Do you find losing weight easier if you have the support of others or do you prefer to keep your weight loss efforts private?

I am not a shy person at all but I tend to prefer to not discuss my weight loss goals with others, friends and family. Obviously, you four blog followers and lurkers aren't included since I over share with you!

I feel that I have much more control of my journey when I don't add their expectations to it. This sounds so horrible but I feel weighted down by all my previous, failed and not failed, attempts and their expectations. I just don't need that on top of all my own self-talk. That being said, there are a few that are really aware of my goals - for everyone else I am just doing my own thing.

Happy Monday!!

Making a positive change

2011-02-04T09:16:00.009-05:00

The universe is bashing on my head to make a change.

Sheryl's blog posts
It shouldn't be a secret to anyone that I am fairly motivated by Sheryl's weight loss journey and blog. One of the very first posts I read on her blog was regarding her change to removing artificial ingredients from her diet. I can't find the original one from when she first explained it but read this one and this one if you are interested in what she has done so far.

Dr. Oz
I found her posts to be incredibly interesting because a few years ago I had read both You: On A Diet: The Owner's Manual for Waist Management and YOU: The Owner's Manual.

Interesting enough, although I found the section regarding the five ingredients that Dr. Oz recommends to eliminate from any diet interesting it just felt too much like a....well diet. It didn't seem sustainable long term for myself and much less my husband. Now, don't get me wrong. Years ago I released the need to bring him over onto the healthy path with me. I simply now just purchase things that are good for me and rub off on him in good ways. *wink* I talking about food people! FOCUS! :)

Dr. Oz plans is to eliminate: hydrogenated oil, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, enriched flour and bleached flour. Dr. Oz makes an excellent point when he explains that sugar can be called a multitude of things: High fructose corn syrup, Evaporated cane juice, Molasses, Sucrose, Corn sugar, Dextrose

Oprah
DISCLAIMER: I have been an Oprah fan since I was teenager. If you don't feel the same way, that is okay, just skip over my posts about her because I really really love me some Oprah.

I dvr all of Oprah shows so I am usually a few days late on seeing the shows. Two nights ago my hubby and I watched the episode of the Harpo staff going vegan for a week.

A few years ago, my niece was vising from New York. We a long discussion a few years ago about what it means to be vegetarian or vegan. Not only from the food consumption perspective but also from your moral and spiritual perspective.

Another benefit of having lived in a third world country as a teenager is that from I was well aware of where my food was coming from. Not only the animals but the fruits, legumes, rice, sugar, etc. Shortages are well know. Fruits aren't in season or have to be imported. Cattle, chickens and pigs are raised for consumption. The food was planted and harvested. It is hard back breaking work. Cows were milked and the milk wasn't sold to us in containers ready for consumption.

While I do not have an issue with consuming animals and their products I do have an issue with irresponsible raising and slaughtering of animals. I agree with the comments made on the show that we need to honor the life that was given. There is a right way to treat animals, even in death.

Unfortunately, here in the US I don't have much visibility into where the food is coming and how it was handled. This has been bothering me for a few years. Yet, I haven't done much to do anything about it. Lets be frank, getting it at the supermarket is just so darn easy and affordable.

Combination of Sheryl, Oprah and Dr. Oz:
For the last six months or so, I have been focusing on eating things that have a mother or come from the earth first, before eating crap. I find that this aligns well with both the new WW Points Plus program, (hey, I was ahead of my times), Dr. Oz recommendations and what Sheryl has done.

Hubby, like myself, is a carnivore. He isn't remotely interested in going Vegan for a week, day or even meal. He is open to being Veganish (check out the Oprah link). He is open to purchasing, and spending more, on food that is harvested and produced in ways that we agree with. It was fascinating to talk to him about the process and the ideas explained on the show. He is also on board with eliminating artificial ingredients in our diet. Like I explained before, I was just going to do it and he would buy/eat whatever suits him. But having him on board with this idea is awesomeness.

The plan:
I am going to review the nutritional labels for the products we eat most often. Then take a little field trip both thru Google and Whole Foods to find some alternatives that we can both tolerate. I recognize that this may mean that we will a) eliminate a food completely, b) have to make it from scratch or c) settle for an alternative. By no means do I expect to this to be an overnight process but over the course of the next few weeks we should be at a much better place.

Sea Shells

2011-01-27T12:32:00.003-05:00

Helen, my Weight Watcher's leader, gave us each a sea shell as we left the meeting this week. She shared that the first time she had come to Florida she was a recent graduate from nursing school and was walking along Daytona Beach. She felt so happy and calm walking along the beach that she decided that she wanted that forever. She went back to the hotel, shower, changed and walked over of the first hospital and applied for a job. She got that job and she started herself on the path to happiness.

Her parting thought was go after your happiness.

This weeks Weight Watcher's topic was activity. Here are some of the points that were made

Activity isn't about putting on a thong and going to the gym. :) (Helen loves talking about thongs).
Looking good in a thong isn't worth crap if you are dead.
Don't short change yourself on activity. Cleaning the houses, walking the dogs, taking a flight of stairs, etc are all activity.
Helen has completed half-marathons in 3.5 hour or less, walking only! She never saw herself as an athlete but setting these kinds of goals have helped her stay in shape.
"Members of Weight Watchers that didn't include activity as part of their plan during the losing phase end up going somewhere to have portions of their bodies lopt off. It ain't pretty and looks even worse if they don't maintain!"
Start out by doing what is necessary. Then what is possible. Before you know it you are doing the impossible.

She went around the room to see what people were doing as a fun activity. These are a few that were mentioned.

Line dancing
Ballroom dancing (woohoo!)
Zumba
Walking
Gardening

Helen's suggestions on Points Plus

Eat your daily points, all of them.
Eat your happy crap with your 49 weekly points.
Always eat your weekly points before your activity points.
Eat your activity points whenever you want!
When a member tells Helen "I can't get all my daily points in" her answer is "Yes, you can. That is how you got here!"
Over all her years being a leader she never had a member that came in from binging and overeating on veggies and fruit. Don't be afraid of the zero points veggies and fruit. Just eat it!
Try veggies prepared four different ways. Suck it up and put on your big girl panties and start eating veggies.

Power Foods

Reduced calorie bread is a Power Food.
Potato is a Power Food.
Not all Power Foods are zero points.

Week 7: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-01-26T09:55:00.000-05:00

January 19th to 25th, 2010
Current Weight: 232.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -1
Total gain/loss: -9.0 lbs

Something you should know, I weigh-in at home since I was only using the online tools when I first started WW (for the final time as Sheryl says!) in December. I started attending meetings in January.

When I was last attending Weight Watchers I had found Helen, a great leader, at the center by my house. Those meetings are at 8am on Saturday mornings. That is hit or miss for me depending what I do on Friday night. So it isn't surprise that I was absolutely thrilled that she offers a meeting during my lunch hour on Tuesdays by my job.

Something else you should know, I really hate weighing-in during the day but I love weighing in first thing on Saturday mornings.

The compromise that I made with myself are the following:

I weigh-in at WW on Tuesdays at noon with the following conditions:
- full clothed
- take off shoes and jewelry
- eat breakfast and drink my water
That number I will now put on my progress chart only.

I weigh-in at home on Wednesday mornings with the following conditions:
- butt naked
- after I have peed
- as soon as I get up

That is the number that you see posted at the top of my weekly weigh-ins and what I consider my official number. One of these weeks I will go weigh-in on Saturday and am sure that the numbers will catch up with eachother. I am not worried about it but wanted to explain it to ya'll. This way I feel completely accountable in all ways and it works for me.

Progress Prompts # 6

2011-01-24T09:01:00.001-05:00

Name 10 good things about yourself.

Have a great smile.
Am excellent at dealing with diverse people and situations. Barely anything makes me shy or nervous.
I understand that I am not in control....although I would love to be!
I am the most improved at almost any physical activity I attempt.
I am intelligent.
My hair is awesome: naturally curly, manageable and malleable. (remind me of this when the summer humidity kicks in)
I have rhythm, lots and lots of it.

I can't think of three more to add. Interesting is that out of the seven only two were physical attributes. I will have to come back to this one later in my journey. I think that this exercise has opened my eyes that I have things to learn about how I view myself. There is an extreme room for growth.

I called my best buddy to have her answer it for me. Here are her answers about 10 good things about me.

Sexy
Intelligent
Heart of Gold
Logical
Honest
Giving - is too little a word
Trustworthy
Go Getter
Sensitive
Am a woman

Week 6: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-01-20T16:45:00.003-05:00

January 12th to 18th, 2010
Current Weight: 233.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -3
Total gain/loss: -8.0 lbs

A few minutes after posting my stats for last week I received a call that my grandmother was in the ICU in NYC. I left very early on Friday morning to be with her. My grandmother Elena is the proud mother of 11, grandmother of 34 and great-grandmother of 17....but I still felt that I need to touch her and be with her.

I didn't return until Monday night, after an exhausting weekend spent in the Milstein Building of New York Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. I also managed to get food poisoning on Sunday and Aunt Flo on Monday. Talk about a stellar week.

I ate very week prior to the food poisoning and very well afterwards as well but the -3lb loss is still surprising!

This weeks accomplishments:

Made good food choices while traveling: fruit, fresh made salads and yogurts!

Progress Prompt Monday #4

2011-01-19T13:57:00.003-05:00

I apologize for the delay. My grandmother Elena was in the ICU this past week and I flew up to New York City to be with her. I got back in late on Monday and am still recovering from this long weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Progress Prompt Monday #4
Is exercise part of your weight loss program?
Hell yeah!! That is the integral part of my weight loss program this time around. Incorporating the Weight Watchers plan and moving more is what I know will be the key to my long term success.

If so, what exercises do you do?
Currently, I participate in Zumba three nights a week. I also signed up for the Biggest Loser program at work. I anticipate incorporating treadmill/stair/elliptical workouts to my routine in the next few weeks. I also plan to add pilates and yoga classes to help with my non-existent flexibility.

Do you exercise at home or at a health club?
I have mention this before but I manage the Corporate Fitness Center at work. The membership is free to all employees. I also am a member at a local gym.

How often and how long?
The local gym: 3x per week
Work gym: 5x per week

How do you feel after a workout?
Sweaty.
Extremely tired.
On a super high.

Do you love it or hate it?
L.O.V.E. it.

Are you at peace with your exercise program?
Yes because although I know it is exercise I view it more as just moving. I only take classes that I enjoy. If I absolutely hate the exercise class I just don't do it. There are enough things out there that I can do that I do like.

Are you also at peace with knowing that you have to exercise for the rest of your life?
Absolutely. After spending this weekend with my Grandmother Elena I realize that the reason she is so strong at 86 is because she never stopped moving. I look at my other Grandmother Eva, who is completely sedentary and the difference is night and day!

Week 5: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-01-13T13:40:00.004-05:00

January 5th to 11th, 2010
Current Weight: 236.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: 0
Total gain/loss: -5.5 lbs

Holding steady. I did so much emotional eating this week but I balanced it out with a lot of working out so instead of having a gain, I held my own. Feel proud of that but regrouping for this upcoming week. Yeah me!

This weeks accomplishments:

attended 3 Zumba classes alone. Burned 1017 calories in one session alone!
joined the Biggest Loser eight week program at work.
went to Zumba in the evening on the same day I did the Biggest Loser workout at the fitness center at work. Felt incredible!
did really well with evening snacking.
didn't binge during emotional week.

Working on for next week

do five workout sessions (3 zumba, 1 biggest loser, 1 home video)
track, track, track
get some non-workout exercise in (like walking the dogs, etc)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The beginning of the year always brings out more people to both the Weight Watchers meetings and the gym. I personally don't mind this at all since I have been a participant in these new year waves many a time. Oddly enough, now that my mindset is on permanent mode, as in there isn't waiting for Monday, I am starting the change in the next few minutes....I wish I could lasso them all and keep them coming back....even when things start to suck!

I was explaining to my hubbster that a Zumba class this week was really good, high impact and full but that I got annoyed when I looked around at a room for 40 women and only saw a few sweating or flushed. How is it possible that you can take this class and NOT SWEAT? Shoot, just the number of people in the room should cause you to sweat a little! His response was "What do you care? You are there for yourself and you know you are giving 110%".

Holy crap, why do I care?
My observation didn't stop me from giving it 110%. Didn't deter me from enjoying the class. For meeting my goal for the day. So why the heck do I care? I think it is because I like it so much that I want everyone else to get the same benefit from it. They aren't going to keep on coming back if they don't see the results. They won't see the results unless they put in the work.

Why the heck do I care?
Because I wish I had my light bulb moment much earlier in life. I wish someone would have lassoed me. I wish I would have been saved from myself and years of struggling. That is why I care.

Progress Prompt Monday

2011-01-10T08:46:00.000-05:00

[2.] What was your childhood like? Were you thin or obese? Did obesity run in your family? How were you treated by your family, your friends, your classmates? What were your feelings and thoughts as you dealed with obesity as a child?

I was born at Jacob Hospital in the Bronx, New York to immigrant parents. Talk about an American story. I was the third child born into a very happy and close family.

For the first six years of my life we lived on Harrison Avenue between Burnside and 180th street.

(Mom and my sister in front of the building: we are looking towards 180th street)

I just recently learned that it was called Morris Heights. Sadly the buildings were torn down in the late 80's and replaced with garden style 2 story apartment buildings. During the time that my parents lived there (late 60s to 1980) the block had 5 story apartment buildings and the corner of Burnside and Harrison was where our local bodega was located owned by Melito. I remember being given a dollar to spend between my sister and I. We would stand in his store and calculate how much we had left to spend by doing subtraction in the air. There is now a health center on that same corner.

When my mother talks about all the places she lived in New York her fondest memories is of this two bedroom apartment. I think that it is because it is where we became a family. My parents moved into the neighborhood when my brother was a year old or so. During their time there all the children in the extended family were born, right on that block. We all shared the same primary care physician. That fact has always been fascinating to me for some truly odd reason.

In our building lived many my grandmother, godmother, aunts, uncles and close family friends. In the building diagonally across the street lived my other uncles, aunts and extended family. My father says that during that time if a kid lost one tooth they celebrated it with a huge party. The kids birthday parties weren't really kid-centric as they are these days. It was more of an excuse for our parents to clear out all the living room furniture, put some music on, dance, eat and be merry for hours on end. I grew up being the runt of the litter (sort of - there was a whole second wave of cousins that were born in the 80s) surrounded by lots of cousins, cousins of cousins that weren't my blood cousins but are still my cousins. :) It was a very happy childhood.

We all, the kids in the family, had no idea that we lived in a low income area. Nor would we have cared. We were all well cared for, happy and living a wonderful New York childhood. It included playing in the fire hydrant during hot New York summers, sledding down the hill during snowy winters, shopping at Alexander's on Fordham and visiting the Roberto Clemente park as often as possible. All our fathers were hard working young immigrants. Proud to be in the United States and hard working for their families. Sundays were the day with Dad. Special days. The only one when Mom didn't make a home cooked meal because Dad would treat us all to a restaurant meal.

The cousins on my father's side of the family were born in groups so Richard and I were only one month apart. He and I were also the chunkiest of all the kids. It certainly didn't make me feel bad or odd, it just was it was.

After the Bronx my parents moved to Manhattan, 189th street and Amsterdam Avenue. That was were I first went to school (kinder to second grade). Although our apartment was directly across the street from the elementary school the kindergarten entrance was on the far corner, 188th street. Every morning my brother would walk my sister and I down the street. I felt so proud that I could keep up with him while my older sister always lagged behind. He would walk a few more blocks down to his middle school. I remember that my brother was in the chess club and won a trophy for a tournament. I was so proud of him!

After three years in Manhattan my parents moved us to Hoboken, NJ. My uncle had been living there already for a few years (also having moved from Harrison Avenue) so it wasn't totally alien to us. We lived on the corner of Newark Street and Bloomfield Street. My mother, who is by far the least trusting person I have ever met, felt very comfortable and secure in Hoboken. We lived in a good building and directly across the street from the police department. While my brother stayed registered in his NYC high school, my sister and I were registered for Demarest Elementary School. I remember when my mother walked us to school on the very first day of school how pleased she was that Demarest was located four short blocks from our house on Bloomfield Street. Sis and I were allowed to walk to and from school on our own for the first time.

There isn't any obesity in my extended family. Both my parents always held a healthy weight and were way ahead of their times. My parents believed in a very organic diet and home cleaning cooking (low in salt and oils).

My sister and brother were really thin as kids. I not only have the square jaw line of the three but was chunky as a baby and child. Everyone in the family called me "la gordita" as a term of endearment. I never felt self-conscious of my weight was a little girl and really didn't care that I was called "la gordita". I took it as a sign of love and affection, not insult or demeaning.

I recall always knowing that I was bigger than other girls in school but I had a really health self-image from a young age. I think that was reinforced by my father, brother and teachers when they continually praised my intelligence and personality. The only times when I was awkwardly aware was during "hand me down" time. My sister is significantly more petite than me but as we grew up it was typical for me to wear her better hand me downs.

(my sister and me on Harrison Avenue. This dress was a hand-me-down)

When I was 12 my parents decided to move the family to Dominican Republic. During my 11th and 12th year I had a massive growth spurt. (Those hand me downs were super tight!) I grew to the height I am today (5''5", still short by American standards but darn tall for Dominicans (the land of the short women! :) ). During my first 5 months in Dominican Republic I had a growth spurt and lost all my baby fat. My parents had been away for about three months during this time and were seriously shocked to see the change in me. I remember them sitting me down and asking about how I was feeling, thinking, eating, exercising. I didn't understand their concern but looking back that the pictures I can see how even I would have been concerned!

I can see now that a really bad pattern was starting in my life. During the school months I lived in Dominican Republic. We walked or took public transportation to any place we wanted to go so I was unconsciously active. I wasn't conscious of what I ate and don't ever remember binging while living there. During the summer months we would come back to the New York and like clockwork I would gain 15-20lbs. Within a month of being back in DR I would be at my regular weight. I followed this pattern for the six years I lived there.

After my initial growth spurt I settled into a healthy weight range (125 to 130) during my high school years. I was pretty active and unconcerned with my physical image (beyond my hair!). My cousin was diagnosed with PCOS when we were teenagers and I saw how she struggled with losing weight. I recall watching her struggle thru a cardio class at the local gym. I am ashamed to admit that I thought "what the heck is wrong with her?" because although I worked up a sweat I didn't struggle with the class. A few years later I would so completely understand her. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was in my early twenties. I am thankful that I didn't have to struggle with it during my teenage years as well.

Week 4: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

2011-01-06T12:31:00.010-05:00

December 29th to January 4th, 2010
Current Weight: 236.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: +1
Total gain/loss: -5.0 lbs

Recently Vane and I were talking about Pros and Cons of Weight Watchers versus calorie counting. Vane has lost a significant amount of weight and is a beast at working out. Let me repeat that....a beast! She knows how to get a good sweat going and keep that heart rate up! She has also lost about 70lbs already so she definitely knows what works for her.

The word that continued to come up was "diet". I kept on telling her that Weight Watchers is not a diet, it is a lifestyle. She wasn't "listening" to me and kept on explaining that she wanted something that she could do once she finished losing weight. This got me thinking...why do I love Weight Watchers. (don't look now, but here comes a list. :) )

The reasons I love Weight Watchers are....
...they develop tools that keep me accountable.
....they figured out that it isn't only about what I am putting in my mouth but why as well.
....they provide me with tools to get through the journey.
....I can eat anything that I want, whenever I want.
....They teach me how to recognize the correct portion size and don't punish me when I multiple the portion sizes. (lets keep it real)
....They give me focus with the Good Health Guidelines
....They encourage me for drinking water and praise me with a happy face when I reach the daily goal!
....They recognize that fruit and veggies are good for me and give them to me for "free each day" and also praise me with happy faces when I reach that daily goal!

....They never stop working on making the program better. Just like I won't ever stop working on making myself better too!
...They know that binging on fruits, veggies and water isn't what got me to this weight.
....They know that teaching me how to live is much better than teaching me how to live on a diet.

My WW leader, Helen, said something that was a fun quinky dink. She said "People lets keep this simple: eater better and move more!". That is so like the logo on the side of my blog. Striving on keeping it simple in 2011!

Progress Prompt Monday

2011-01-03T14:49:00.006-05:00

In 2007 I found this website and saved the list of progress prompts for possible use later on. There are 65 weight-loss related blog posting prompts in total.

The goal is to do a progress prompt each Monday (all 52 of them) including some extra ones every once in a while in order to complete the list in 2011. What better time than the present?

[1.] List 10 reasons why you want to lose weight. Which one is the most compelling and why?

(Listed in no particular order)

I want to lose weight so that my thighs don't rub together anymore.
I want to loser weight in order to reduce all the health risk factors that come with obesity.
I want to lose weight in order to align my mental image with what I see in the mirror.
I want to lose weight in order to not need to find a plus size section in stores and no longer have to wear the crap fabric that all plus size clothing seems to be made in!
I want to lose weight so that I can see my hoo-ha when I look down in the shower.
I want to lose weight so that I can see the wonderful muscles that I am developing.
I want to lose weight in order to see if pregnancy will ever be possible for me.
I want to lose weight because I want to be an athlete.
I want to lose weight to prove everyone, including my own self, that change is possible.
I want to lose weight so that I can sit down and not have a few rolls going down my back.

The most compelling one is # 9. I talk the talk now I want to walk the walk. I have spent the equal number of years in a healthy active weight as I have now in an overweight stagnant state. I want the next 17 years to be completely different and mind blowing!

Word+Goals+Lists=Happy Me

2010-12-30T12:19:00.000-05:00

Word for 2011
Movement
Ali Edwards has a yearly tradition of selecting a word for the year. The word that chose me was movement.
Looking back on the year 2010 I would have to say that the word that defined it was stagnant. I am ready (and yearning) for movement.
…Moving my body.
…Moving my spirit.
…Moving my finances.
…Moving my relationships to new levels.
…Moving my projects along.
So yeah, movement it is!

Goals for 2011
Purchase my first bike ever!! (this one has my name or this one)
Then naturally.....learn how to ride a bike.
Track my finances on my spreadsheet.
Complete the Suzy Orman blue box.
Sew the quilt for my bed (aka learn how to sew in the process).
Complete Mom’s cross-stitch.
Make something or use my scrapbook supplies each month.
Re-do my closet: remove all old stuff, have hubby build out shelves, paint, etc.
Be able to do a split.
Work towards losing weight every week. My ultimate goal is to lose 100lbs, exactly.
Date day with hubby each month.
Perform my Cha Cha, American Tango and Rumba.
Take my doggies for a 20 minute walk, 3x per week. Total of 156 walks.
Complete the Great Urban Race with Vane in October 2011.
Read 25 books (see list here). Just got a nook for Christmas so that will help!
Go to Spain with Mom.
Complete (2) 5k events.
Complete (1) 10k or half marathon.
Learn to run.
Then naturally....{huge one} run a seven minute mile once (to beat a bet I made with a friend).
Go on my monthly full moon family walk.
Send a handwritten note each month to a friend, reconnect with someone!
Pack my lunch 3x per week. Total of 156 lunches.
Exercise Goals: yoga/pilates 2x per week.
Exercise Goals: run/walk 15 miles per week.
Exercise Goals: make stretching a habit!.Exercise Goals: Strength training 3x per week (156 sessions).
Complete BOMI certification (boring but a must have for my job!).

Happy New Year to you all and may you stay focus on what is most important and valuable in your lives!

Week 2 & 3: Weigh-In Weight Watchers

2010-12-29T14:14:00.004-05:00

The holiday week threw me off on my posts. Here is a recap on the past two WW weigh-ins.

December 15th to 21th, 2010
Week 2
Current Weight: 237 lbs
Week to Week loss: -1.50
Total gain/loss: -4.5 lbs

December 22nd to 28th, 2010
Week 3
Current Weight: 235.5 lbs
Week to Week loss: -1.5
Total gain/loss: -6 lbs

I don’t have any screen shots because I didn’t track during this holiday week.
Also, Santa dropped off a wonderful gify on 12/24, Aunt Flo! Just want track when Aunt Flo comes each month in relation with my weigh-ins because I want to see if I will see a gain the week before my period each month.
I feel great and am doing great!

Oh sweet baby Jesus

2010-12-22T11:33:00.004-05:00

Have I told you how much I like giveaways? Let me 'splain, Lucy.

What can be sweeter than enjoying someone's blog? Nothing, right? Hey, you come by and read my mundane and boring crap all the time. {You see, I am capable of being honest. :)}

A great blog is a like the perfect cup of cocoa on a cold Saturday morning. But wait my fellow blog readers and lovers....then that said blog does a SUPER giveaway! That just brings that blog up into another stratosphere. Now, don't fear because Ree has always been in her own blogging world category. Come on how many women can teach you how to cook shrimp, show you great pictures of her ranch, explain how to cut off calf nuts AND demonstrate some great homeschooling tips? Not many, my dear blog reader friend.

So, go on over to her page and submit a comment or two. You can only win the lottery if you actually buy a ticket (although techniquely someone could have give you one....I digress...)

Tombstones

2010-12-22T09:13:00.004-05:00

Yes, a rather odd subject for the Holiday Season but I just found this post and love the idea. During the Holidays we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed, over-indulge and then guilt ourselves into a new year. Lets try something different this year!

Go over and check out her site. Great stuff. Here is a little excerpt

Throughout this journey to get myself healthy, I have had to do an equal
amount of exercise for my body and for my brain. In the process, I have had to
"lay to rest" many of my bad habits, physically and emotionally.
As part of my Halloween decorating, I'm going to make tombstones of all the habits or excuses I have had to eliminate from my life.

I peeked

2010-12-20T16:58:00.003-05:00

I know that it is better if I don't peek and just wait for the "official" day but I couldn't help myself! Let me just say that I saw a lower number again! Yeah! And I have two days to go before the official weigh-in day! Woohoo!

A new week is upon us!

2010-12-15T13:31:00.007-05:00

Review of week December 8th to 14th, 2010

Current Weight: 236 lbs
Week to Week loss: 2.5
Total gain/loss: -5.5 lbs

The Plan:
For the past two weeks I have been following the new WW Points Plus plan faithfully. (Check out Bitchcakes blog for details) I have never ever gone hungry which is a nice switch. I have been eating up fruits and veggies on a real consistent basis and loving it. Here is a litte recap:

I have maintained my water consumption at at least 64oz a day! I am going to focus on the healthy guidelines for the next few weeks. I am certain that it will help me move along at an even better pace. On that note, I have to get a multi-vitamin. Anyone have a suggestion on that?

Activity

I have one word for you, Zumba!! I have really been enjoying Zumba these past few weeks. I have been able to keep up with more sets than when I first started. I have also discovered that I *LOVE* seeing all the sweat. I have started cutting down my tshirts so that I can see it while I work out. It gets me really going. Like a little liquid afrodisiac. :) Who said exercise wasn't like sex?

What is annoying is that the WW online tool doesn't have Zumba listed as an exercise. So I take the calories burned (I used this HRM in black) and divide it by 80. After reading a few of the message boards on WW it seems that is the correct number to use for the new Points Plus program.

Here are a few pics of Vane & me after our Zumba classes. She is a beast at working out! Very motivational for me.

Overall:
I recognize that I am in the honeymoon phase but I am feel pretty darn fantastic! I am holding onto this feeling for as long as possible. :)

Next Weeks Goals:
Zumba 4x
Strength Training 2x
Tracking every day
Try running on the treadmill.

Running, Jogging, just plain ol' walking faster

2010-12-09T10:48:00.008-05:00

Yesterday I went down the fitness center in my building. I always find it ironic that part of my work responsibilities is to manage the fitness center...anyhow. I got dressed, got the iPod going, jumped on a treadmill.

Easy.
Peasy.
Normal walking.
Getting that blood-flow going. And then....

I start to think about Ada from the Biggest Loser.

How she ran on that treadmill and killed her time. How she ran the marathon, took a potty break and still broke Tara's record....somehow this morphed into me running.

The truth is that I walk at a 3.3 and am huffing it. Today I will make sure to look at my HRM and see what it is because although I can still breath and don't feel like dying my legs HURT when I go any faster. So what did I do? Yes, I decided to run for 30 seconds. I can do anything for 30 seconds. I punched that arrow up up up to 3.8 and ran for 60 seconds instead.

To many, including my hubby, this wouldn't be an achievement of any kind. 3.8 should be a fast walk. 60 seconds should be no sweat. To me it is sweet victory. I have never run for a minute, ever. I don't ever push the button up past 3.4mph. I surpassed my initial goal for 30 seconds. Today I am going to shoot to relive that victory and push past it. Who knows? If Elizabeth from the Biggest Loser can complete a marathon I can run on a treadmill.

Week Recap: December 1st to 7th, 2010
Start Weight: 241.5
Current Weight: 238.5 lbs
Total gain/loss: -3 lbs

My instructor and I

2010-12-05T21:47:00.005-05:00

Here is a text exchange between my dance instructor and me. I share this because we have now crossed over into a new uncharted territory. For the first time ever he got all over me regarding me exercise and weight.

Me: Hey, could we push back my session to later this afternoon. My lower back is acting up and I want to see if it loosens up a bit.
Him: Nope. Lets reschedule then. I have the workshop later on.
Him: Why is your back acting up?
Me: On Monday I had pain down my right leg (sciatic nerve) and it has just gotten worse and worse, now it goes across my whole lower back
Me: I am feeling better than I did two days ago but not quite right. I had to go to Vanesa's house and lay down on the floor. This happened to me yrs ago.
Him: Its officially time to stop being a pussy and start working out.
Him: Hardcore!!!!!
Me: Yes, you are right. What I have been doing isn't enough at all.
Me: In my poor defense I worked out yesterday with the messed up back
Him: No defense for you...No excuses...workout out!!! Put up or get the hell out of the kitchen!!!! Its time I start doing cardio salsa one day a week with you!!!!!!!!!
Me: Yes, I agree. Time to shut up and put in the work
Me: You said "Put up or get the hell out of the kitchen!!", well I ain't getting out of the kitchen so I will stop with the excuses and put up.
Him: Goooooooooood!!!!!

At first I was pretty pissed off because I felt....I don't know, invaded? I took a deep breath. Then another. Then, I realized that this is what a friend is for, right? He sees an area that I need help and I need a no bullshit approach. I can appreciate that now that I slowed down to realize that he (nor my hubby, mom, sister, etc) have ever said things to me to hurt me INTENTIONALLY; they say it because they care about me and my goals.

So, I am stopping the excuses and putting up. Woohoo....I am scared but still woohoo!

Mar 2009 - Instructor + me practice session

Life is different

2010-12-01T15:58:00.003-05:00

My sis and I were talking last week about pregnancies. She was single during her twenties and dating a lot. She said that she never expected to be a mom and wasn't too worried about it. She felt that it would or would not happen in its own time. {insert frustration here}

How can we birthed from the same uterus, raised in the same household and have such a different way of viewing this? I mean, to be honest, I always thought that I would marry in my thirties and have to start thinking about this for a few years instead of the head-banging-nail-biting 13 years it has been. My goodness, 13 years is a teenager!

In my mind I always figured that I would either have one or the other, baby/family or career. I now have a pseudo form of both...neither remotely close to what I had thought. Maybe that is the greater issue, the fact that unknowingly I actually had a vision for my life. I tend to think of myself a lot more free flowing and relax than I really am. So what do I have right now? A completely different life than I would ever have imagined, nothing like what I grew up with and not bad either....just different. It is kinda of like I closed my eyes between summer and winter and woke up to a different looking landscape but underneath all that snow is the same land that I always loved.

Self portrait

2010-12-01T12:30:00.003-05:00

Feeling good today although not thrilled with this outfit. This is the bra that just spreads the boobs out instead of defining them nicely. I don't like the uniboob look.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Zumba me, baby!

2010-11-29T15:03:00.010-05:00

It isn't very surprising that I really love taking Zumba classes. I even love how the world just rolls off the tongue, ZOO-UM-BAH. Sweetness!

I first took Zumba at the YMCA in Greenville, SC. I went to visit my fantabulous friend, Amanda, for a weekend in late February this year. A few things to note, not only had I never been to a YMCA ever but we planned our whole weekend around the activities available at the Y.

When I was a kid we lived in New York City and although I never saw the YMCA I heard about it....or maybe that was just that song...anyhow, our place to go was the Roberto Clemente State Park. That was the pool where everyone thought I was drowning but that is a story for another day. I digress...

The instructor for this Zumba class was Sonia; a five foot nothing Colombian native. Talk about being taken by surprise. She told us her love story with her dreamboat Southern man after the class. Amanda and I were the last one left since we were still trying to pick ourselves off the floor, literally. :)

The class was energetic, fun, interesting, and flew by. All elements that I need from any form of exercise. If you make me count the minutes I might have to hurt you. I absolutely loved the class!

Fast-forward eight months, my girlfriend Vanesa was complaining about how the gym had canceled the daycare and she would now have to go in the evenings to work out, bla bla bla. I offered to take the Zumba classes with her to help her over the hump....and that is all she wrote!

Tony is my Zumba instructor and he offers a super high energy class. I love the fact that he wears shoe laces tied to his pants back pockets. And ladies, if I don't get there at least 10 minutes early I won't make into the class. It is a packed class every single day! Check out this video on a day where he had a guest instructor. The classes are just as energetic and full as on this video.

We do these same moves as well in Tony's class. Go, Zoo-Um-Bah!

Happy Day of Giving Thanks

2010-11-25T18:20:00.003-05:00

I really like how Thanksgiving is said in Spanish - Dia de Accion de Gracia. Literally translated the Day of the Action of Giving Thanks.

Today is a testament as to how something that can start really bad can turn into a good thing. Think about it... after the first Thanksgiving feast I don't think that the Indians were very thankful for their new neighbors but centuries later I am able to enjoy this day as they did the very first time. Full of Thanks!!!

I am thankful....
...that we have made it thru a very hard year financially.
...that as a family we are healing old wounds and slowing down on creating new ones.
...that new friends have become family
...that old friends are doing well
...that we are healthy physically
...that we haven't, as a family, given up hope for a new better future
...that a miracle has happened and I am privileged to have witnessed it (Congrats Amanda and Ernie on the baby!)
...that tears shed yesterday make for a lighter heart today
...for my sweetie, even though there have been so many hard days this year
...for my sister, who's loyalty and support never changes
...for the kiddos in my life, although I didn't birth any I feel so honored for having them in my life
...for Maritza, who I can't go a day without talking to!
...for Vanesa and Linda, who really understand the foot pain and how much I would like to hurt Angel some times.
...for my highschool six pack + more friends that always keep it real.
...for Facebook, I *heart* you for allowing me to find all those people again (and allowing me to block some as well!)
...for my ballroom instructors, old and current (Angel), that keep that fire burning within me
...for my parents, for raising me with patience, respect and so much love.
...for potato vodka and whiskey....and that Colombian place where we get our hangover soup at!
...for my complaining, it reminds me that I still care.

Happy Day of the Action of Giving Thanks

Holiday Wish List

2010-11-24T13:29:00.002-05:00

I was over at my favorite running scrapbooking swimming minnesotan's page this morning and found out about this cool giveaway and you know, I am a sucker for lists. :)

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme
TodaysMama and GameStop are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What is your holiday wish for your family?
My wish is that all realize that what is most important, of the utmost value, isn't what is/isn't under the tree but who is sitting in the room with us: friends, family, strangers and loved ones. People are the true gift.
2. What is your Christmas morning tradition?
We didn't have Christmas morning but Christmas Eve traditions - like each person opens a present at a time so we can all enjoy it :), the huge family meal shared with strangers at times, the Hispanic holiday music.
3. If you could ask Santa for one, completely decadent wish for yourself, what would it be?
I would ask for a 2011 Toyota Camry, full loaded with stuff I don't even know existed....and that Santa pay for all the taxes, registration and other paperwork. :)
4. How do you make the holidays special without spending any money?
One year my hubby and I spent Christmas Eve with my parents, grandparents and friends on their farm. Not on gift was exchanged with the exception of a fabulous home cooked meal, music and each person got up and recited a poem, sang a song, sent a message into the camera we had put up on the tripod. Awesome Christmas.
5. What games did you play with your family growing up?
During the holidays? None! :) We lived in apartment buildings in New York City and usually ended up playing (red light green light, tag, etc) on the floor landing. Those were the best holiday parties when all the cousins were together running, laughing, screaming. :)
6. What holiday tradition have you carried on from your own childhood?
This is a hard question to answer because we don't have any children. I had hoped to recreate all the wonderful things mom did but for now I make the appetizers mom made. Nothing takes you back like the smell of food or mom's perfume.
7. Where would you go for a Christmas-away-from-home trip?
We did this for Christmas of 2006. Hawaii. We visited five islands and don't regret one moment of it, or the expense (will never get that kitchen makeover now. LOL) If I were able to do it again I would choose Italy. My ultimate dream destination.
8. Check out GameStop (link to: http://bit.ly/gamestop10) and tell us, what are the three top items on your GameStop Wish List this year?
Nintendo Wii Red Bundle, Kinect Fitness Bundle and Xbox!!

BodyBugg Update

2010-11-19T18:35:00.004-05:00

After several weeks of wearing the BodyBugg I have some interesting observations; none are really surprising but wonderfully confirmed by graphs and numbers. :) Yes, there comes the geek in me.

Observation #1: Surprising I can easily hit my daily burn target each day, even on those where I don't take Zumba or Ballroom dancing classes.
Reaction: For years I have viewed myself as lazy. I mean, come on, how can I have gotten to be this large/fat/unfit without being a tinzy winsy bit lazy. The BodyBugg has just proved that the small changes I have made in my life just over the past two years has really had a positive impact.

Observation #2: My biggest pitfall is nutrition.
Reaction: To be frank, I thought I had this a bit better under control....obviously not when my calorie intake far exceeds my burn on any given day. I am going to continue to review my data because I have a sinking feeling that I have "dark hours" where calories are just all emotional reactions.

Observation #3: There are whole long periods of the day when I am not moving.
Reaction: My employment is primarily a desk job. Unlike those hated horrible jobs that I had in the beginning of my career that had me literally chained to my desk... I so hated having to plan by bowel movements around whomever could cover my post! I digress, my current position, although still a desk job I can get up and literally walk the building at any time. To add to my shame, I am the manager of the corporate fitness center. I sit down each week and go over programs, offerings and other information with my fitness center manager. Please don't ask when was the last time I went down and took a class. Please, I beg of you....sush.

In other news, go over to Ms. Bitchcakes blog and check out her "4 weeks before I hit goal" post. I put her data into BodyBugg and she was consuming about 1500 calories. That is the target calorie goal that BodyBugg created for me.

My sweetie also just got back from being with my parents for three weeks in Dominican Republic. He looks yummy and lost 5 lbs too. ;)

Next weeks plan:
Create and follow the eating plan on BodyBugg. Can't hurt right?
Write down every bite, lick and taste and everything in between.
Keep an emotions journal.

2010-11-17T11:59:00.005-05:00

Self -Portrait: While driving yesterday I realized that the fat on my abdomen actually sits on my legs. I took this self portrait at a stop light and just realized today that I look pregnant. Never been. Mostly like willl never be definitely not if I keep this ring of death around my waist.

Tuesday, Nov 16.

Orlando, FL

Message to myself

2010-11-02T09:40:00.004-04:00

In the late moments of the evening, I came to a bit of honesty.

*I* do this to myself.
*I* can't blame anyone else.
*I* am the only one that can fix it.

The message in this picture isn't from a lover, husband, friend - it is from me to the true me.

"Love my Body, Respect my Heart"
courtesy of Bitchcakes

Free time + bugg

2010-10-27T16:49:00.006-04:00

Social Experiment Day Three

Sleep, where did you go my dear beloved friend? The past few days I have been having some serious issues with both going to bed and falling asleep.

Since my sweetie has been traveling I have stayed up way past midnight each night. After some frustration and consideration, I believe it is a combination of feeling disoriented with all this free time and being alone.

I have always had an independent streak in me and love love love the idea of all this free time. I am even looking forward to it but it seems that I need a period of adjustment. I am hoping that by this weekend I have settled into it and can enjoy it much more.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I have not been alone in my home for days on end in.....never. Even when we were moving to Florida and I stayed in NYC, Johanna, her son and sister were living with me. Before I got married I lived at home, before that at my college dorm. There I did have plenty of free time and loved it. How is it possible that 17 years have gone by since then? I feel like I am on a slowly winding drive to my true self. Not the young girl that came here but the true me. This weight has been a shield for me in so many ways. Bitchcakes posted something along these lines today.

What makes this all the more tragic is that I am the best sleeper you can find. I am an overachiever when it comes to sleeping to the complete disgust of my insomiac of a hubby. I can take a nap in the afternoon and still go to bed at my regular time with no issue at all. I am out cold within seconds of laying my head down.

As to the Body Bugg, I have a week wearing it and just yesterday started seriously entering my calories consumed in the system. I am pretty impressed with it. Yesterday wasn't a stellar day, by any stretch of the imagination, but I still managed to pull off a calorie deficit! I feel like I am right on the edge of falling into my groove and am looking forward to it!

Social experiment - Day One

2010-10-25T18:57:00.002-04:00

Today my husband left to spend three weeks with my parents at their home, in a foreign country. This is only the second time in seventeen years that I have been away from him for more than a week.

At first, I was beyond thrilled with the idea. I thought that it was a good trip for him to get out of his rut, help my Dad out with his carpentry business and simultaneously provide me with some space to refocus.

Wonderful list maker that I am went on overdrive and created what I want to accomplish during his absence. Mainly organizing stuff, catching up with friends I haven't had the time to get to see lately and exercise. But here I am on, my first evening on my own....what do I do? I cried. Walking into this house without him in it felt....well...I don't know, weird? Strange? Dare I say lonely?

I need to literally and figuratively, suck it up. He has things to do, I have things to do. We are both safe and healthy for goodness sake. And my I dare to hope that distance will make the heart grow fonder? After 17 years, the heart, although involved, is not fond most of the time. And my I go as far to also hope that the butt will grow smaller? On that note, let me go get some exercise in for the day!

There is a bug on me.

2010-10-25T09:25:00.006-04:00

Since last Wednesday, I have a body bugg stuck to my left arm.

I don't know yet how well this will work out for me but since I like reviewing charts and getting data I expect it to workout well. The first few days it annoyed the crap out of me and it kept on slipping off. I changed the band to the medium size and it is now working out good. I forget I have it on most of the day. I take it off to sleep although I read that some people keep it on for the whole day and only take it off for an hour. It doesn't take my heart rate so I am still using my heart rate monitor when I work out. I don't mind that too much.

I am an avid fan of the Biggest Loser but I didn't get the bug (haha) to get one until I read Ali Vincent's book. She mentioned that when she got back to the ranch, after being voted off, Jillian asked her what the heck had she been doing. Her answer was that she didn't stop moving until the BodyBugg told her. Ali and Tara are my all-time favorite female contestants. So for now, I will wear this on my arm in the hopes (+ hard work) that one day I will have Ali's arms and Tara's slim face too.

Affirmation

2010-10-07T14:15:00.003-04:00

At the end of each of my WW meeting, my fearless-fast-talking-no-bullshit leader Helen always says the following:

Can you do it? "Yes!"
Will you do it? "Yes!"
Are you worth it? "Yes!"

The kicker for me has always been the last question....are you worth it? That is like a sucker punch to me on most days! But more and more lately I am answering these questions with conviction and really meaning it!

Are you worth it? I think you are!

Estrogen, menstrogen

2010-10-04T11:39:00.002-04:00

I am going to need to do some major research on estrogen. Since I got off Lupron and started having regular cycles this year I am experiencing something completely new and unexpected....severe PMS. I have never had pms in the 26 years that I have been menstruating! It has taken me four months to realize that my new cycle rhythm does the following: puts me in a severe mental funk, am super emotional (and unfortunately that doesn't mean super happy, more like super sad and mad), drop off all plans (including working out, eating right, painting nails, etc) and go up by four lbs for the whole week right before I get it.

I.Don't.Like.This.

On Saturday I got it and wallah! poof! all symptoms start to diminish and I feel normal again. Have I told you that I.Don't.Like.This.

I am completely on plan today. Had a good breakfast, have a good lunch just waiting for me patiently on my desk :), and even got a snack. Who is this new girl and how can I keep her the whole month?

Here to stay

2010-10-01T08:43:00.004-04:00

I have been struggling.

It took me a few minutes to even type that sentence. I don't like asking for help. Seems like an oxymoron to me since I offer my assistance all the time to friends, family and even strangers. Here is the kicker, I enjoy helping others but just don't ever feel right asking for it. It now explains so much more about my life than I have the time or energy to write about.

I went to my WW meeting this week and weighed in. That is my success story for this week. I knew that I would have a gain. I knew that I didn't follow or even think of the plan that whole week. But I showed up. While I was sitting there I realized that for the first time I am showing up for my life.

I got a message from Rev Run today that made me laugh and puts it all into perspective: "We're here for a good time not a long time. (Enjoy!)"

I found this image online somewhere and thought it is most appropiate for this post. :) Enjoy.

Hello...anyone home?

2010-08-26T14:07:00.002-04:00

That is how I feel about last week. Somewhere between my last post and last week...I lost my mojo.

I weighed in this week. Up 1.4.

Culprit: late night eating, no exercise.

New day/week/life starts today.

Yeah me.

Weekender

2010-08-16T10:29:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was watching American Chopper and Paul Sr. was talking about his 25th anniversary of sobriety. He was telling the shop guys that all the guys he hung out drinking and partying were all dead, including his brother. He went to AA meetings for nine years because although he knew he should have gone to rehab he couldn't deal with leaving the business in anyone else's hands. What I found most interesting was when he explained how he would say "I will on drink on the weekends" and then Monday would roll along and he would still be hammered. All the mind tricks he tried until he realize that one drink was too much and 100 wasn't enough.

I realized that like Senior I am a weekender. Monday to Friday I am pretty much on point with my new lifestyle. I eat right, count points, journal, exercise, drink water, etc and then Saturday/Sunday are a free for all eating crap, no water, no exercise. I have the same mentality he had. So, today is Monday and I am not going to blow the week. I have to get off the cycle and enjoy a 25th year anniversary of healthy living like Senior did.

Don't be short sighted

2010-08-12T14:42:00.005-04:00

Every day I wake up and make a conscious decision to get up and jump start my day. It doesn't happen automatically. I have to tell myself that coming to work is a great thing and look at what I am going to accomplish. Really, this is what I do because I really enjoy sleeping in on any given day.

By the same token I have come to realize that this change in my lifestyle is something that I wake up every day and decide to continue. I will not focus on how I fell short (food, exercise, mood, work etc) yesterday but the result that is on the horizon. I won't lie and say that I am okay with the goal arriving at any time because I want it here immediately. :) But I know that I am going enjoy the journey just as well as the destination.

While I was taking a shower in the gym yesterday I had a singular question for myself "Who is this woman that is showering in a public place in the middle of the day?".

I am the woman that has been packing her breakfast, lunch AND snack.
I am the woman that loves to snack on fruit and nuts.

I am the woman that went to lunch with her sister and left half her entree....and didn't feel bad about it!
I am the woman that passed up on three cokes while at work and just left them sitting on her desk.

I am the woman that workout at work five days and loves sweating!

I am the woman that is enjoying weight training workouts.

This weeks goals:
- Wear the pedometer every day!
- Beat last weeks overall steps. The ultimate goal is to get to over 12000 steps each day.

- Track in WW Etools all seven days.
- Workout: six days cardio, four days weights
- Tryout a group exercise class at the local studio
- Take one ballroom dancing class

Easily influenced...or not

2010-08-04T08:55:00.005-04:00

The other day I saw a twitter from Jillian Michaels asking what gets/keeps you motivated. Once I am in the right frame of mind to start doing something about my weight issues what keeps me going is look at others that have been successful. I think this goes way to back to when I was a kid. My mom would tell us that we need to look at the traits and habits of successful people and try to emulate them. Our chances of succeding would be much higher. Anyhoo - successful people and gadgets really get me going. :) I love my heart rate monitor and my pedometer. I enjoy reading the results, tracking the information, comparing one day to another. It might not be for everyone but it defnintely motivates me.

Little known fact is that I don't know how to ride a bike. Yes, I know - where did I live, in cave? How is to possible? Well, my mom was tad overprotective with her third child, moi, and I didn't get to experience all childhood activities like my brother and sister. A few years ago hubby taught me while we were visiting his sister in SC. For a brief moment in time I was able to pedal, sit straight up and balance. Whoo-hoo! Fast-forward sixish years....I don't know how to ride a bike. I have been afraid to invest in one and have it become yet another clothes rack.

For the past few months I started toying the idea of getting an adult tricycle. Listen, the idea is to get moving and I will admit that I am very afraid of getting yet another broken foot bone (long post for another day) or ankle. I also I am terriblely lucky that I don't have one shy bone or this-is-too-embarrassing gene. My hubby says he won't be seen with me. Little does he know that that may be a motivating factor to get it. LOL

This is the model that I found online:

If I can get the guts up and learn how to ride a regular bike I like this one. Although when I saw it at Walmart it was in the prettiest teal color. I really like the retro-cruiser bike look.

I am definitely getting influenced by Ms. Bitchcakes. Makes me want to a) buy a bike and b) move back to NYC.

Week Recap:
* down 1.5lbs this week!!
* I had a binge moment last night but I journaled it anyway. Go me!
* I journaled the whole week. Whoo-hoo!

* I got my workout four days: Wednesday, Thursday, Monday and Tuesday AND did weights the last two days. On Monday I realized that I hadn't packed a towel but I wasn't going to let that stop me! I went ahead and toweled off with an extra set of cotton workout pants. :)

I love how you can see the sweat in this pic. My arms were glistening too. Love it! (I really need to pick a better mirror cause the mirror crease goes right down the crack of my butt!)

* I have packed my lunch 4 days straight, including my version of the super salad. Love it!! Forgot to take a picture but I will take one tomorrow.

* I have pre-journaled my food and that has really helped me plan what I was going to do.
* I have been more active walking, cleaning, running errands.

I dropped off my mom and Edili at the airport on Saturday night!
Miss you!!

How I want to it....

2010-07-28T12:22:00.001-04:00

I am on the beautiful, winding,tree-lined, breezy road of life. Although I feel an urgency to stay on the road I know that GOAL is not the final destination. So how I am going to stay on this road without a GPS unit? I have other kinds of guides that can help me.

So how am I doing this?
I am going to journal every bite, taste and lick. I am going to strive for 5-7 days of WW points tracking each week. Some days I get off track, but I really try to not go past four days without journaling. I recognize that I won't always be on point and this is fine.

Planning/Goals:
* I will food choices that are as healthy as possible. I try to focus on simple ingredients, simple foods, not overly processed. I will try to cook many of my meals in order to avoid eating out, not only for the expense but the lack of control of quality food.
* I will exercise 5-6 days a week. I’m listening to my body and finding that most days it wants me to move.
* I am a dancer! I will register for classes and make sure that I take at least two personal or group sessions a week. I will also set a goal for my dancing. This always keeps me motivated and on point.
* I will take my meds, vitamins and supplements 5-7 days a week.

Tracking:
* Once I get an iPhone I hope to use the following apps: Lose It!, WW Mobile, Streaks (just love the concept of this one!)
* WW online tools and WW mobile
* Blogging - lets be frank - that takes the most out of me. :)

Feedback:
It is very difficult for me to see progress for whatever reason. I love using the WW tools and excel spreadsheets to see improvements and growth.
I am going to start taking a morning picture of myself in order to view a pattern (or not) ala Ms. Bitchcakes. I don't have a mass transit commute any longer so I will have to find a decent mirror at work to use.

Pics:
Here I am yesterday after my workout. I cut the tshirt cause it made me feel like I was choking every time I wore it! I was a little afraid that it would ruin the shirt but I loved it! Forgot again to take a before pic.

After pic:

View thru a window

2010-07-27T14:21:00.005-04:00

Although I have been doing WW on and off for a while, I really haven't used their tools very effectively....actually not at all. In the past two days I had the chance to review not one but two concepts! I have been talking to my bestpal SweetCheeks about exercising and eating right. We have promised each other a celebration trip next summer for our great success this upcoming year. More on that later.

Reframing - Ms. Bitchcakes covers it very well in her blog. It is basically about changing the way we look at or think of things.

Original thought: Food today = BAD. No preparation, no time. BAD BAD BAD
Reframed: Food today = not optimal. I will make better choices for the remainder meals.

Original thought: I am afraid to be in pain.
Reframed: A little pain today means that I’ve made an effort towards my goal.

While I was on the treadmill I started to get shin splints. I only had about 15 minutes on there and the first thought in my mind was "oh, well I am done with exercise today". Then I gave myself a few seconds and reframed that thought. I jumped on the elliptical. That didn't hurt my shins and gave me a good workout. It is great to see the change in my attitude from just one week ago.

Like I told SweetCheeks I am on a really good roll since late last week. I don’t know how long this will last and when or even if this bubble with burst but I am taking her ride along with me!!

The other tool was Anchor. I don't even remember ever hearing of that tool. Must have been covered during one of my many missed meetings! Here is how Ms. Bitchcakes explains it:

Anchors are anything we use that can put us in a place mentally that help us to get re-focused. They can be physical things that we see, hear or touch that trigger a memory that remind us of our goals one of the Weight Watchers Tools for Living that I always had trouble with. Anchors are anything we use that can put us in a place mentally that help us to get re-focused. They can be physical things that we see, hear or touch that trigger a memory that remind us of our goals

Last week I started using my win of the ballroom competition. I don’t actually think about the actual moment I won but more a compilation of all the hard hard practice sessions and how I felt right before I went on that last night. I tried something different, odd, uncomfortable that made me feel wonderful at the end.

Fresh Start

2010-07-26T16:50:00.005-04:00

Recently I have been addicted to reading Bitchcakes blogs. She is inspiring to me not only because of her great success at evolving into a whole new woman but she lives in NYC...my hometown! How I can I not be obsessed?!

I have had a great day on WW. I have journaled every bite and even remember to take a post workout picture. My stupid heart rate monitor watch died half way thru my workout. I am hoping that hubby can just change the battery and that isn't something worse. I <3

I found a very expensive but nice 1pt snack - rainier cherries. Yumm-o!

Stats:
238.5 today
I plan to measure this evening so I have something to compare to.

Right where I should be

2010-05-14T10:45:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning and really wanted to have a stop, rewind, restart button for my whole life. It is very troubling to me that I have these thoughts since they have been occuring more and more often lately. I don't like it.

Donna had created a nice piece of art that speaks right to the marrow of my being today. I am struggling with this concept although I completely believe it to be true.

Pioneer Woman, Part II

2010-05-13T14:17:00.003-04:00

I just got these from the lady that was ahead of me in line. That was sweet of her to send them so quickly! Her camera takes some nice pictures. I am glad that I was having a good hair day. :)

Pioneer Woman meets East Coast Latina

2010-05-13T12:22:00.015-04:00

Yesterday I went to the last book signing of the Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman. I almost didn't go since I had left my book at home but hubby came to the rescue. The sweetie drove to my job late in the afternoon to bring me my book. :) He says that I staged the call, "oh, man! I won't be able to go to that book signing. bla bla bla woo is me" Well, I didn't stage it but I had hoped for that reaction I got. ;)

A friend was suppose to meet me but wasn't able to make it so I made the nice long line on my own. I was standing in line from 5pm to 8:30. It was well worth it. I chatted up a storm (yeah, I know - huge surprise) with the ladies in front and behind me on the line. They had both driven over from the gulf coast for the signing. I thought that was pretty cool. They were both teachers and moms. Lots of good stuff to talk about.

The Pioneer Woman and her punks were beautiful. She was gracious, funny, warm and everything else she is on the blog. She even pronounced my name right and rolled those Rs really nice for a gringa. :)

I was fascinated by the diverse group of women that read her blog and also found it wonderful how real she really is.

Isn't she pretty? I loved her jewerly. She complimented my necklace and when I told her I liked her stuff she said she was like a chandalier. Work it girl! :)

I felt that honest was the best policy and had her sign it for the real me. Hubby got a kick out of the inscription. :)

Amy Diptych

2010-05-07T11:47:00.002-04:00

Amy Diptych
Originally uploaded by J Trav

I was out at Stacy Julian's blog, gotta love all the color, and followed her link to this Flickr group. Love it! Looking into somone's purse, bag, etc reveals so much more about them than simple words could ever do. Have fun going thru the pics. I sure did! :)

Memory Lane

2010-05-06T16:35:00.003-04:00

A few years ago my husband asked me, quite honestly, if I thought it was better to have a good childhood and a mediocre adult life or have a crappy childhood and a great adult life. I believe that having a good childhood is the key. Let me 'splain, Lucy.

A good childhood (or any period of your life) provides you with memories and emotions. Theses are safe places for you to retreat to when in doubt, fear, turmoil or any of those other things we are in our adult life. It is like having a good sexual fantasy, your fall back imagery that always gets you to the right spot mentally. :) Oh, come on! We all have them, just please don't share if it isn't your spouse. We can discuss too much honesty in another post.

Anyhoot - these memories set a good foundation for whatever comes your way.

All the adults that I have met that have had a less than desirable childhood spend a great deal of their adult lives correcting, dealing, surviving that past. It takes longer than all the years you were a child to fix these things...sometimes a whole lifetime isn't enough. Ther are enough movies on Lifetime that cover this same topic.

So, what are your go back to memories? Safe havens.
-> playing dolls with my sister in our bedroom when used misc stuff around the house as the dollhouse furniture
-> playing with my brother's racetrack...which I then fell on and broke. oops!
-> riding the bus with my brother to my piano lessons
-> running down the hallway to jump into daddy's arms when he came home from work
-> playing jacks with mom in the kitchen after she had cleaned the house.
-> having chocolate milk late at night in the kitchen with my brother
-> playing skip rope and kick the can in front of our building

Don't be shy. Share one or two or many many more. They don't have to be childhood ones. Tell me about your sweetie, work, kids, etc. As Gabriel Garcia Marquez says - Recordar es vivir (remembering is living)

1000 good things

2010-05-05T11:14:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I wore my heart rate monitor to my dance class. I practiced on my own for half an hour and then with my instructor for about an hour and ten minutes. I burned 1003 calories! Holy mother! That is awesome!! I am on such a nice high today from it. 1003 calories, wow! I wish I could dance every day so that I can get that calorie burn.

Seeing the number of calorie burned has me yearning for a bodybugg! I have been thinking about it for a few years and love seeing how the biggest loser contestants have used it. Especially Ali Vincent.

Speaking of her, she will be in Tampa in early June. I definitely plan to drive over and meet her. She was such an inspiration to me in her season! Tara and her have been by far the most inspiring for me. Abby is my emotional favorite. Gotta love her too!

Here is a good day. Making it a good day. ;)

This painting speaks to me! That will be me! Running along!! :)

Game Plan

2010-05-04T11:13:00.004-04:00

So, don't get too excited but I have a game plan for today. Ha! Yeah me! The one that has been scattered brained forever. LOL I had a homemade breakfast, have lunch waiting for me in the fridge and....drumroll please....already know what I am having for dinner.

Exercise you ask? Yes, I have that too! I am having a nice long dance session today. I may get in my strength training before hand. That is the only part of the plan that is still up in the air. I'll let you know how it goes.

Flowers my sweetie sent me a year or so ago. Still brings a smile to my face.

This + That = New Me

2010-05-03T12:10:00.002-04:00

It is Monday which usually sucks for me but not today! I feel really good and I am going to ride this train for as long as possible.

So - here is the game plan. I have to become frugal. And just writing that word makes me crinch but I have to start to conserve time, energy, money and calories.

I only have a plan for calories right now. This all takes time, people! No need to pressure me as I am sure I can do that on my own.

Weight Watchers + exercise where I burn a at least 1000 calories/day = New Me.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Sad

2010-02-03T13:18:00.001-05:00

Just feel like alone. Have been feeling like that for many years but even more so lately. Makes me want to literally be alone physically as well.

Inspiration

2009-07-22T14:07:00.002-04:00

I have come to realize that inspiration is literally all around me. I find it in the oddest places and the tried and true. I am finding myself completely and utterly inspired by people that are passionate to the point of oddity with the task of love - be it music, photography, dancing, writing, cooking, sewing.... It is beautiful to see the glow in them and feel it radiate it out to me. When I am in their presence I feel as if I am standing in the direct rays of the sun, feeling the warmth on my skin, feeling it seep into me.

I am soaking it in.

2009-05-28T16:17:00.001-04:00

This is me now

2009-05-28T10:09:00.002-04:00

I am feeling good and oh lordy....I look good too! Check out this picture snapped by my sister-in-law this weekend. For the first time in a LONG time, I actually can see myself thinner. Love it!

I am off to work on my Quickstep routine. Slow, Quick, Quick, Slow....:)

South America-bound!

2009-03-16T15:38:00.004-04:00

We are super excited that we are going to get the chance to visit Colombia again. Jetlbue is finally offering direct flights from Orlando to Bogota and at extremely low prices. Hubby and I will be able to travel for a fraction of what we paid before. Sweet! Although we will be traveling during the last weeks of the competition I am sure that I will be able to both continue to lose weight and put in the work necessary to have a great routine!

Fusagasuga - here we come!

Argentine Tango & me

2009-03-13T13:49:00.004-04:00

So, I went for it! I have lost my mind and entered a ballroom weight-loss dancing challenge a few weeks ago.

The winner of the 12 week challenge will receive a one year scholarship to the dance studio, a makeover and photoshoot, a two night hotel getaway, a membership to LA Fitness and other prizes. The scoring is a combination of the judges score, my weight loss achievement, the live audience vote and the online vote. That is where you come in!!! Vote for me!

My first performance was this past Friday evening. I danced an Argentine Tango with Angel, one of the instructors at the studio. It was sooooo much more fun than I could have imagined. You can see a video of my dance along with all the other ladies at Adanse.

Instructions on how to vote:
Click on the link.
Be patient and let the page load!
Scroll down a litte bit. The videos are on the left-hand side.
After the last video you will see the voting section - still on the left-hand side!

Feel free to watch all the videos but VOTE FOR ME.

The next performances are March 27, April 17 and May 8. I'll need your votes each time! Thanks for checking it out and wish me luck!! My next dance is the cha-cha!

hugs,
Lourdes

New Year!

2009-01-23T11:49:00.002-05:00

Since 2008 I've....
- visited Goose Creek, SC
- gotten all dolled up for a sweet fifteen party
- enjoyed time with the extended family
- become more of a Facebook junkie
- had surgery - yuck
- got a visit from my beautiful niece
- talked to my mama
- debuted on a advertisement for my dancing school.

Life is sweet!

Happy New Year!

Definition of love

2008-12-08T14:25:00.001-05:00

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a Love like that!
—It lights the whole Sky. (Hafiz)

Challenge '09

2008-12-03T09:21:00.002-05:00

Today's weigh-in: 225.5

Owning the Scarlett Letter

2008-12-02T15:43:00.005-05:00

I just read the posting my good friend, Amanda. (go ahead, go on over and read it) It struck a chord in me and caused an AHA! moment as well.

(following her lead)
Hello, I am Lourdes. The hubster and I are fertile challenged. Others may also think vertically challenge but I digress. I have a nice garden variety of issues: PCOs, fibroids, endometriosis, and polyps. Hubster had no sperm count. 11 years later, a few surgeries later - I still have everything listed minus some huge fibroids and hubster now has hit or miss counts.

We opted to proceed with medical assistance because we firmly believe that science will only take you so far and after that it is still all in God's hands. We have been very blessed with a good insurance company that has 95% of all our medical bills. 11 years later, a few surgeries later, 5 invetro-fertilization tries later, many tears later - we are still fertile challenged.

So, what's my point you ask? Well, that you can survive it. That I can survive it. That hubster and I can survive it. There are days, weeks, even months of extreme peace and bliss and other days, weeks, months of agony. That just comes with the territory.

What I believe now:
-> I am not being punished.
-> It is O.K. to be angry, even at God. He knows me better than anyone else and has enough faith in me to allow me to grow in my anger see the way back.
-> I don't control the universe. Hello! Couldn't have someone told me that sooner?
-> Definitions are man-made things. I have needed to learn how to define the words: family, care taker. Redefine my life.
-> There is a reason. Really, honest engine - I SOOOO believe this. Only a few have been revealed to me but being able to share my testimony with others struggling, being an understanding voice, learning to be empathetic to all regardless of the situation, being kinder to myself and my hubster, are amongst a few of the reasons. Really can't wait for more!
-> Having faith and understanding that knowing that there is a reason doesn't take the pain away, it just softens the blow.
-> It is O.K. Really, just be. Or not be. Cry. Or not cry. It is O.K.
-> Faith isn't measured by how much I pray, nor what I wish for. Faith is demonstrated on how I treat the world, not how it treats me.
-> People will always say the stupidest things that will make you want to get a set pliers out to inflict long, slow torture on them.

That is all I have learned.

Would I be the woman I am today without it? No.
Would I have rather have had another path? Yes but many things can be equally as hard or worse.
Do I still want a child? Yes but am honestly willing to trust that the right thing will happen. Not MY right thing, but the right thing. But a girl can wish that those two paths will collide. :)

It will be O.K

Goodbye, Mr. Rollins

2008-11-18T16:25:00.002-05:00

What I find most touching is that when the call came from the nurses at the hospital it was to Bianka. They had looked at his cell phone's last call and assumed it was his wife. But true to his nature, his last call was to his granddaughter, Bianka.

I never met Mr. Rollins but I have heard so much about him. The loving calls, the frequent weekends with Bianka, the school clothing, latest game, best birthday days. That is the living testament of Mr. Rollins. His love for his grand-daugther and by extension, her mother, my closest sister/cousin/friend. I know that Bianka's world has changed forever today and that a few days short of her eleventh birthday it will feel like too much to take. But when the days have settled and her heart starts to heal, there tucked into the little crevices of her heart, will be the loving memories of her grandpa, to lift her up and give her hope.

Goodbye, Mr. Rollins and thank you.

Question of the day

2008-11-14T07:38:00.001-05:00

Violence in the world is not aimless chaos. Terrorism is not random madness. Earthquakes are not acts of God. All these negative phenomena are created when our collective reactive behavior feeds the Opponent with the energy to create chaos. Grasping this truth is the prerequisite to effecting true change.

Question: Is this wisdom rings true, it's because it works on both a personal and global scale. Do you believe that your actions affect the world?

Answer: Yes.

The Pledge

2008-11-12T15:49:00.002-05:00

I found this at TabbyKat's website. Especially like that line of "for all the world to see". Amen, sister.

TOPS PLEDGE
I am an intelligent person.
I will control my emotions, not let my emotions control me.
Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my
frustrated desires, build up my injured ego
or dull my senses,
I will remember, even though I overeat in private,
My excess poundage is there for all the world to see.
I will Take Off Pounds Sensibly.

Our Lady of Permanent Weight Loss says, "All is forgiven. Move on".

Today is the day

2008-11-04T13:42:00.003-05:00

Take pride that you can! It wasn't always this way for everyone.

Back in Black....again

2008-10-30T16:27:00.007-04:00

Dario was a true rocker and I think that few bands ranked as high as AC/DC on his list. Being seven years my senior gave him first, second and last dibbs to the stereo system and MTV. I remember many a day calling my Dad at work to log a complaint that I wasn't able to view my beloved Little house on the prairie due to his rock 'n roll MTV afternooons. This would explain why as a young impressinable nine year older I knew all the lyrics off their black in black album. Good stuff. He would have loved this new hit album and concert tour.

Rest in Peace, bro.

What's in a name?

2008-10-23T10:32:00.004-04:00

In honor of Amanda, here you go!

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Lourdes
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus
izzle.) Louizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite
animal) Green Dog
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number) Yahisha Woodbrook
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Quilo
6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color,and favorite drink). Green Coke
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms first name). Oiqucdz
Milinjy
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middlenames):
Dario None
9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets).
Black Blue
10. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (name of first pet, and the name of the street you grew up on): Leo A Street

The start of it all

2008-10-22T14:25:00.008-04:00

When I started my ballroom dancing classes in August it was mainly because I was interested in learning the foxtrot and the quickstep. I had originally stopped in to get information in early May with Gloria. I went to a cardio dancing class in May but that was basically it. Then in August I received a bonus from work and decided to treat myself to some weekly dancing. But as life would have it August ended up being a bust between family member health issues and travel.

Back in May, while they were giving us a bit of tour, Angel (a dance instructor) challenged me to dance Tango with him. That made me laugh since that is the last thing that I wanted to learn, ever. Fast-forward to October - Jose was playing around with the music and I was curious to what type of dancing was done to a particular song. He called Eddie over and we briefly danced Milonga.

Me-long-A. Yup, Me-Loved-it! I not only followed (with my eyes closed) but felt incredible afterwards, thus the start of Eddie's weekly torture.

This is what I hope the be able to dance in the next few months. I if I am being completely honest, I would SO love to have at least her legs. I think it is asking too much for the body but I'll take that too, God. :)

Sliding weigh down....

Progress Prompt #14

humor only an IVF patient could get

25 things

return to dance

Progress Prompt #13

Hello, Pilates

Going backward to go forward

Maggiano's = heavy stomach

UHC vs Me

IVF training....is now boarding

Inspirational Women

Those Who Don’t Give Up

Chatter from the floor

Walking in her pants

Week 27: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Surrender

Week 26: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Week 25: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Hey there!

A day in the week

Progress Prompt #11

Friday cheer and blues

Questions from the Trainer

Sucking it up ....and in

Quiet March

Swish Swish

Progress Prompt #10

Happy Friday

Week 11: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Progress Prompt #8

Biggest Loser

Week recap + a video

You are what you read....or watch on TV

Week 9: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Progress Prompt # 7

Making a positive change

Sea Shells

Week 7: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Progress Prompts # 6

Week 6: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Progress Prompt Monday #4

Week 5: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Progress Prompt Monday

Week 4: Weight Watchers Weigh-In

Progress Prompt Monday

Word+Goals+Lists=Happy Me

Week 2 & 3: Weigh-In Weight Watchers

Oh sweet baby Jesus

Tombstones

I *peeked*

A new week is upon us!

Running, Jogging, just plain ol' walking faster

My instructor and I

Life is different

Self portrait

Zumba me, baby!

Happy Day of Giving Thanks

Holiday Wish List

BodyBugg Update

Message to myself

Free time + bugg

Social experiment - Day One

There is a bug on me.

Affirmation

Estrogen, menstrogen

Here to stay

Hello...anyone home?

Weekender

Don't be short sighted

Easily influenced...or not

How I want to it....

View thru a window

Fresh Start

Right where I should be

Pioneer Woman, Part II

Pioneer Woman meets East Coast Latina

Amy Diptych

Memory Lane

1000 good things

I peeked