Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Progress Prompt #14

[14.] When was your last shopping trip for a clothing item? What was it? Was the shopping trip a positive or negative experience? Describe in details your thoughts and feelings as you purchased this item.

I went to Kohls a few months ago. I was looking for some new tops and maybe a skirt or pants.  It was a solid so-so adventure.  I find that clothes shopping is a complete mental adventure. I spend the majority of the time having a conversation with myself - alternately talking myself off and onto the ledge. 

I realized this last expedition, (because yes I have to pack up my life experiences, guilt, accountability, successes and all the positive words available within me when I go to the stores)...

I choose things for the body that I want, not the body that I have. 
I choose styles, looks, accessories for that future body. 

This is a new behavior because years ago I chose old 80 year old grandma clothing, not even allowing myself the time to touch the pretty clothes.

I have learned to allow myself to dream a bit about what I like and then slowly progress to what is really do-able with the body I have.  I mean, I could wear that form fitting dress, if I didn't care about how I looked.  I really could. Shit, I have. :)  But I have matured and realized that I like feeling good about what I am wearing a lot more than just wearing what I like.

Here is a picture of my in the dressing room.  This is talk off the ledge moment - run on sentence monologue ohmygodisthatwhatilooklikeican'tbelievethatigotthiswaynevergoingtobe abletochangenoyoucanchangeyouhavechangednotenoughlookatthaturgh.

And then I took this picture. I remember thinking - you have come a long way.  Just keep on moving. You'll be okay and I love how your hair is curling today.  :)

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